The Sun Will Rise
by Leonhart17
Summary: When Giles leaves at the end of 'Tabula Rasa', Willow goes with him, desperate to change, but leaving Tara, Buffy, and the others behind to live without her...  *AU season 6* Willow/Tara, Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya
1. Chapter 1

First ever request fic, written from an idea from WhatHurtsMeMost. Title is from Brendan James' song of the same name. I really struggled with finding a title for this one and the song really fits with the feeling of this one, so I just decided to go with it. Hope everyone likes it.

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><p>The sun was falling and Giles was alone, walking the last stretch between his apartment and his taxi to the airport. The others knew he was leaving, but they'd decided not to make a scene. He'd never enjoyed saying goodbye, not sure he'd be able to leave if he saw Buffy's expression crumble - or even worse, shut down completely.<p>

The cab was on the curb, but he was intercepted before he could get to the door. Willow appeared as if out of nowhere, her sneakers slapping loudly on the sidewalk as she ran to get to him. "Giles, wait! Wait!" she called, panting as she reached him.

"Willow, what is it? What's wrong?" The taxi driver was giving the darkening sky anxious glances and Giles waved him back toward the car.

"Take me with you," she said, breathing hard.

His frown was quick and deep. "Willow…"

"I'm slipping, Giles. I'm losing it." Her eyes were wide, frantic. "It's all I think about, all I want! I'm completely out of control. I've got to get off the Hellmouth…"

His eyes considered her from behind his glasses, his hand reaching out to her shoulder. "Leaving won't make it easy, Willow. I'm afraid there is no simple solution for you."

"I'm afraid of who I'm turning into," she replied, green eyes haunted as she looked up at him. "I don't want to be this person. Please, Giles, help me," she pleaded.

The Watcher sighed, stepping back and opening the car door for her. Willow slid gratefully into the cab, empty-handed and obviously desperate as he looked over at her in the dark. Neither spoke until they got to the airport, making last minute arrangements on the Council's dime to get the witch booked on his flight to London.

Night had fallen as the plane took off, the lights of Sunnydale disappearing quickly in their wake. England would be the farthest she'd ever been from home and no one even knew she was leaving. Tara's face floated behind her eyelids and she took a deep breath. The blonde would undoubtedly be worried when they discovered her absence, but after her latest spectacular screw-up she doubted anyone would be missing her anytime soon.

She shook off the vision of her lover, the blonde's expression becoming disappointed as her thoughts turned morose. "I think I'm going to try and sleep," she said quietly, twisting onto her side as much as she could on the seat and spreading the thin blue airline blanket over herself.

She closed her eyes, but couldn't quite manage to find rest or comfort. Her mind was racing, her guilt screaming. Things had gotten so bad, and it seemed to have all happened so fast. First Buffy and her revelation about heaven, then her own out of control memory spells as she tried to fix it but only managed to make things so much worse. Buffy was shut down, Tara was as good as gone. Her girlfriend had made one request of her and she'd failed completely.

Her moody thoughts made her want to cry, and she pushed down that impulse. The magic had gotten out of control, but she could still control her own body. She wasn't going to cry. She could only keep telling herself that as slow tears rolled down her cheeks.

They'd only just arrived at Giles' apartment when the phone rang. The Watcher gave Willow a knowing glance, both of them sure they knew who was on the other end. She shrunk back from answering it, feeling like a coward as he stepped past her to pick it up. "Rupert Giles," he answered, and she could hear Buffy's frantic voice through the speaker.

"Willow's gone! She never came home last night! We were out looking for her all night," the Slayer said anxiously.

"My flight was good," he said dryly.

"Giles! It's Willow! What if something happened to her?" Buffy demanded. "We're freaking out over here!"

"Willow is okay, Buffy," he stated, voice calm and it calmed her unconsciously.

"How do you know that?" she questioned suspiciously, both of them able to hear her frown through the phone. "Giles…"

"She's here…with me."

"In England?" Buffy yelped. "Let me talk to her!"

Willow shook her head as Giles looked at her. "We've just arrived. Perhaps we can call you later."

"Is she okay? Tara's freaking out!" Willow winced, shaking her head again. She couldn't talk to them, any of them, not yet.

"Willow is safe," Giles assured her.

Abruptly, Tara's voice came through the line and Willow physically flinched. "Willow? Honey, please," she pleaded. "Talk to me. I love you!"

"Tara…" Willow's voice was hoarse, hands trembling at her sides. "I can't," she ground out through clenched teeth. She spun to go before her partner could speak again, sure that hearing the inevitable disappointment in her voice would break her resolve. She already wanted to turn around, back to the airport and home to beg for forgiveness. But she couldn't do it. Not yet. Not until she could be trusted not to abuse the magic. Just the thought of what she'd done blew her mind. Using a spell on Tara, even without the mental abuses she'd gone through under Glory, was unconscionable.

Giles watched sadly as she bolted, slamming the bathroom door behind her. "She's gone," he informed the concerned girls on the other end of the line.

"What?" Buffy demanded shrilly. "Giles!"

"Willow's going through something," Giles told her. "She needs help."

"Okay, we'll help her," she said flatly. "Why'd she go to England?"

The Watcher sighed patiently, wishing that there was something that his Slayer could do. "I'm afraid this was her decision."

"Can you help her?" Tara interjected, obviously near tears. "Please help her."

"Willow's powers have been beyond my own level for some time now, but I know some people who can help if anyone is capable of helping her," he told her soothingly. "We'll go tomorrow."

"Thank you!" Tara sighed. "Giles…" Her voice trailed off, overwhelmed.

"You'll keep in touch, right? Let us know how she's doing?" Buffy asked, voice softer as she watched Tara's suffering. "What we can do to help?"

"I will," he promised. "I'll call again tomorrow once we get a few things settled."

"Okay," Buffy agreed. "Thanks Giles."

They clicked off and he went to knock on the door Willow was hiding behind. "You can come out now." The knob turned and the door opened, but she didn't come out. He peeked in to find her sitting on the tile floor, knees curled up to her chest. He entered and sat down across from her, moving slowly. "I have some friends who can help you. It won't be easy. There's no quick fix for you, Willow."

"I have to, Giles," she said immediately. "I can't be like that anymore. Whatever it takes, however long…"

He hesitated, not sure she was considering the ramifications of such a commitment. "Your friends at home…if you're sincere in this desire, it may be a long while before you see them again." His sympathetic eyes found hers. "Tara…"

Willow felt tears sliding down her cheeks and she swallowed hard. "I know." She tried to keep from crying, but couldn't manage it. "What right do I have to be with her, when I'm like this?" She hiccupped, shoulders shaking. "How could I possibly ask her to wait…"

Giles wanted to comfort her, but the whole situation was out of his realm. So he reassured her with the one constant that he knew could help. "Tara loves you, Willow." She couldn't help a small smile at the way he always said her lover's name, the soft, long ah sounds. "And some part of this is for her as well."

"She's everything, Giles," Willow said hoarsely. "But I lost her." Her eyes were teary. "She's going to leave me. I had the best thing in the world and I threw it away."

"You're working things out," he corrected her. "You and Tara will do the same."

"Maybe," she murmured, but her tone wasn't convinced. She took a deep breath, sitting up straighter and wiping her eyes. "I want to be the person she loves again. I don't know who I am anymore, but I'm not that person that Tara fell for." Her face fell again and her breathing was shuddery. "I'm not Willow, not really…" Teary eyes found his sympathetic gaze and she blinked, sending the tears rolling down her face. "I want to be Willow again…"

"You will be," he said softly. "We'll go tomorrow and you can meet my friends at the coven." She nodded, looking just the littlest bit encouraged. "And we'll call home and you can reassure everyone. If you're feeling up to it," he added, seeing her expression freeze momentarily.

Her fingers were playing restlessly with creases in her jeans, the same jeans she'd been wearing since -Tara _left_, Buffy was _happy_ - one day and she'd managed to ruin her_ life_… She pushed the pain down, only realizing that her eyes had closed when she opened them. "Maybe," she said quietly. The way she felt now, she didn't know when speaking to the others would be conceivable. Some bitter, snide voice in her head, a voice that sounded strangely like Faith, reminded her that it was her own fault that she was hurting, that her friends were hurting because of her, that she'd had to run away to England to get away from her guilt.

Then Giles' hand was in front of her eyes and he gave her a kind smile. "Let's get some sleep," he coaxed, helping her to her feet. They worked together soundlessly to make up the couch for her, the witch tucking herself under the blankets and watching as he sorted through bills and catalogues that had come since his return to Sunnydale a few weeks earlier. He was at home here, but she could see his conflict in his frame, his shoulders slumped and his steps slow.

The light clicked off in the kitchen and he padded toward his room quietly, leaving her to toss and turn on the couch. Sleep came only at the extremity of exhaustion and was over much too soon, sunlight through the patio doors the next morning dragging her awake. Giles already had coffee going, and he greeted her with a mug, sipping his own as he settled on the armrest by her feet.

"Morning," she said hoarsely, sitting up and curling both hands around the cup. It was still steaming and the warmth seemed to radiate through her, down her arms and into her chest. It couldn't touch her pain, the part of her that felt like solid ice inside. "What's the plan?"

Giles gave her a smile, remembering the dedicated student she'd been at their first meeting. It was no surprise that the witch was eager to get started. "Well, I imagine that you'd rather not wear those clothes for much longer, so I thought we might remedy your lack of wardrobe before we leave for the country."

Willow paused on her sip, looking down at herself. "You mean wearing the same clothes for three days isn't the pinnacle of fashion?" she asked sarcastically.

"I wouldn't know about that, but I thought you might enjoy a shower sometime in the near future," he reminded her.

She nodded, smiling ruefully. "Okay. Then what?"

The Watcher gave her a patiently fond look. "Then we'll go see my friends."

The plan got carried out handily, Willow getting new clothes to replace the ones she'd left behind in Sunnydale, and getting cleaned up. She wasn't nervous until Giles' car's tires crunched from pavement to gravel, the vehicle moving more slowly as they started uphill.

"You're making a big commitment, Willow," he said softly as they stopped, glancing sideways across the car at her. She met his eyes without speaking, and he continued. "I think they can help you. It will be good for you here."

"Are you just going to leave?" she asked, She'd run away from home, but the idea of being completely cut off from her friends, from the people she loved, was too much to contemplate.

He shook his head, smiling reassuringly. "Of course not."

"I'm sure this isn't how you'd planned on starting your retirement," she said, regret in her tone.

It took him another moment to answer. "No matter what, I will always care for Buffy…and for you."

"And Xander?" she asked, unable to help smirking.

"Yes, and Xander. And Tara and Anya and Dawn."

_Then why'd you leave us?_ The thought shot through her brain, but she didn't speak it, had enough self-control left for that. Instead she mustered a weak smile, smoothing both hands down the tops of her legs. "Thanks Giles."

He nodded and they slid out of the car, the Watcher joining her at the front and moving forward together. Willow hung back as he greeted a middle-aged woman with long brown hair. "Willow Rosenberg, this is Paula Green," he introduced them, stepping to the side to let them shake hands.

The redhead extended one hand hesitantly, greeting the other woman. She tensed as she felt the elder witch's cautious exploration, a tiny tendril of energy that felt out her own power. Her first reaction was to match it with her own, but she held back, letting herself be mystically explored.

Paula clicked her tongue as she released Willow's hand, giving her a sympathetic look. "It won't be easy for you, my dear." Her gaze turned to Giles. "It's worse than you thought."

"I'll do what it takes," Willow said seriously. "I want to be better."

Paula surveyed her again, pacing a slow circle around the redhead. "I believe that you do." She gave Giles a nod and Willow looked between the two adults quickly, not sure what the next step was now that she'd apparently been accepted. "Let's find you two some rooms." She led the way inside, Giles collecting their bags from the backseat and following Willow.

They were given rooms across from each other, the rooms small and sparse, but comfortable. Willow's had a twin bed with a thick blue quilt that a voice in her head noted that Tara would have loved, and a tall, upright chest of drawers. Wanting to demonstrate her determination, she intended to get settled in immediately, but a bell chimed before either one could start unpacking.

"That's supper," Paula informed them. "If you'd care to join us." She gave Willow a coaxing smile. "Jane is quite a good cook."

Giles handled further introductions, the coven witches insisting that they take seats in the middle of the long table. Willow was quiet, letting the others interact around her. Giles was evidently good friends with several of the women, but a few of the younger ones had only heard stories about him. But none of them knew Willow and she was grateful for the privacy that bought her. Conversations went around her and over her, dishes passed up and down the table around her.

Left on her own, her thoughts inevitably turned to Tara. She'd been forcing her lover to the back of her mind ever since she'd fled, knowing that thinking of all she'd lost would drive her around the bend. But Tara had been the cook around Revello Drive and meals had become their family time with Dawn and Xander and Anya after Buffy had died. It had been bad, but now was somehow even worse. Even without Buffy she'd had Tara. Now she was alone.

Giles nudged her with an elbow, giving her a comforting smile and forcing her to amend her mental statement. She wasn't home, wasn't happy, but she wasn't completely alone either.

Studies began in earnest after dinner, the ever-studious witch taking every book that was offered to her back to her room to read. She went to bed late, didn't sleep well, and was woken up at sunrise for meditation with a few of the older witches, sitting while they evaluated her abilities.

"Well, what do I have to do? Quit or something?" she asked, looking up at them as she relaxed her legs and stretched.

"It would be easier for you if you could just quit," Paula, apparently the group's spokesperson, said. "What you'll go through will be worse than the withdrawals." She sighed heavily, arms crossed over her chest. "You're quite powerful, but bottling the power is just as bad as unleashing it. What you must learn to do is control it, control yourself." She gave the redhead a strained smile. "It will prove…trying, I'm afraid."

"Whatever it takes," Willow said, repeating what had become her personal mantra since she'd arrived in England. "Where do we start?"

Giles was walking up the hill toward the group, and he paused to listen as Paula and the other witches outlined a course of study for her, weaning her off of magic for a start. Willow listened attentively, determination plain on her face. She only noticed the Watcher's presence when he cleared his throat. "Time for a break?" he suggested.

Willow waited for a nod from Paula before she agreed, not wanting anyone to think she was trying to get out of doing the work they'd just told her she was in for. "Thanks Giles," she said as he handed her a tall glass of water.

"How was this morning's meditation?" he asked, the pair walking as they talked.

"It was good," she said. "Simple, but I don't expect that it will stay that way." She was quiet as they strolled down the hill, her eyes looking around curiously. "How did you find this place, Giles? I mean, you know them, so it wasn't just for me…"

He gave her a small smile, his hands tucked in his pockets. "The first time I was here for much the same reason that you are. I was out of control, didn't know myself."

"And you came here for help?" Willow asked, looking at him with a fresh respect. She'd always looked up to him, but rarely remembered that he had struggled in much the same way that she was. He'd been their authority figure, Buffy's Watcher and their teacher and guide, and it made it difficult to imagine that he'd once been an addicted teen like her.

His response took a bit longer to come, his hesitation obvious. "I was not as willing as you have been." A rueful smile appeared on his lips. "I'm afraid many of the ladies here have quite a few memories of me as a willful, disobedient youth."

"They all seem to like you now," Willow pointed out with a laugh.

"Ah, well it's been a long time since those days. I'm a much different man than I was." Their eyes met and he smiled. "You've gotten several phone calls this morning," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Buffy called at five. And Tara has called every hour since. Xander was on the last call as well."

The redhead sighed, looking over as his hand touched her shoulder. "Giles, I don't know what to do…"

"You might start with talking to them," he suggested kindly. "They're your friends. They care very much for you." His eyebrows rose. "Care enough to not bother with calculating the time difference," he reminded her, voice softly teasing. "And I have no doubt that I've missed more than one phone call while we're out here." Willow looked conflicted and he stopped them to put both hands on her shoulders. "There's no way to know that the friends you left behind are still your friends until you talk to them, Willow."

"I don't even know where to start," Willow whispered. What was unspoken was clear. She couldn't expect her life in Sunnydale to wait on her while she struggled on the other side of the globe. She couldn't expect Tara to wait on her - not with all their problems, the lies and secrets that had ruined them. Green eyes closed and she tried to gather her strength. It would take everything she had to do what she must. "I'll call home," she said in surrender. "Thank you, Giles."

He didn't follow her inside, seeming to sense that she couldn't do it with him looking over her shoulder. Her new bedroom was unfamiliar still, but it was better than nothing. The phone barely rang once before it was picked up. "Willow?" Buffy's voice was hopeful and anxious.

"Have you been answering the phone like that all day?" she asked with a laugh to keep herself from panicking further.

"Thank God it's you!" Buffy said, relieved. "Tara! She's on the phone!" she called, raising her voice. "How are you? How's England?"

"Fine. Everything's fine," Willow promised reassuringly.

"So why'd you leave then? Will, you didn't even say goodbye!" Buffy reminded her, voice stressed.

Willow paused, frowning. "Buffy, are _you_ okay?"

The Slayer looked up from the desk as Tara rushed in. "I'm…you know, I'm worried about you," she said, stammering suddenly. "Listen, Tara wants to talk to you," she said, clearly trying to get off the phone.

Before Willow could say anything, the phone had changed hands and Tara's voice was in her ear. "Willow…"

The redhead's eyes slammed shut at the sound of her name on Tara's lips. "Tara." She didn't realize that she'd spoken until the blonde was crying softly in her ear. "Please don't cry," she pleaded. "I can't make you cry anymore…" She swallowed hard, gathering her nerves. "Which is why I have something to say…"

"No," Tara moaned, but Willow wouldn't let herself be dissuaded.

"I don't know how long I'm going to be gone," she started, steeling herself against her lover's whimper. "Tara, with how bad I messed up, as much as I hurt you… I can't ask you to wait for me."

"Willow…"

"No, please, just listen. I love you. I haven't always shown you like I should have but I will always love you." She sucked in a shuddery breath, her face feeling hot. "I can't ask you to wait for me, though, Tara. You deserve…"

"Stop it!" Tara interrupted suddenly. "We talked about this, Willow! You can't make decisions about our relationship by yourself!" The redhead could hear her tears over the phone, felt her heart clench at the sound. "You can't run away to England, and not talk to me for three days, and then try and call and break up with me. That's not how this is going to happen!"

"Did you not leave_ me_?" Willow shot back, cursing herself before it was even out of her mouth. "Tara, I didn't mean that…it's stressful here, and I miss you, and I never want to hurt you again. Can you understand? I _had_ to leave. I have to get better."

"That's all I ever wanted, Willow," Tara said softly, still sniffling.

Willow sighed shakily. "I don't know who I am anymore, Tara," she whispered. "How can you love me when I don't even know who that is."

"I know you," Tara stated, no trace of a stutter in her voice. "And I love you for who I know that you are." She hesitated. "Honestly, I haven't seen her lately, though."

"Me neither," Willow admitted. "And I'm scared of the person I am now. I can't be the person who hurt you anymore. That's why I had to leave, come here. They think they can help me be better. If I can control it, maybe I can come home."

Tara smiled helplessly, able to hear her lover's cautiously hopeful excitement. "You can control it, sweetie," she said, wiping tears from her face with her free hand. "We all believe in you."

"Thank you," Willow gasped, overwhelmingly grateful. "I talked to the coven this morning, though, and they said…baby, it's going to be a while before…"

"_I_ believe in you, Willow," Tara interjected. "Me. And I don't care how long it takes. I just want you to feel better."

"I don't want you to wait on me," Willow said bluntly, forcing herself to say it before she lost her nerve. Tara didn't speak and she continued, "You deserve so much better than me, Tara. And I'm going to be gone… You should have a life - without me."

"I don't want one," Tara answered promptly. "If you want to break up with me, you can do it to my face, Willow."

"Don't be like this," Willow pleaded. "Tara, I'm trying to do the right thing by you!" She paused, trying to think. "How about this? I won't be expecting anything when I get home. And if I'm lucky enough that you haven't found someone else, we can start over. I mean, if you still want me. And if you've moved on, then I just have to live with my mistake."

Tara swallowed hard, knowing that the redhead wouldn't let this go. "If that's the best I can get, I'll take it," she said finally. "But know that I love you, Willow. If you need some time, though, I'll give it to you." Her eyes closed helplessly. "I know you're going to be going through a lot, so I won't call again until you want me to. Just, please, you or Giles, one of you please call and let us know how it's going," she requested. "And _anything_ that you need from me, you know it's yours. You know that, right?"

Willow could feel tears sliding down her face, relief and love overwhelming her in a wave. "I know that," she agreed hoarsely. It wasn't something she wanted to need, but she knew that Tara was there for her, always would be, and she depended on it. "You'll always be my friend…" she said lowly, repeating their words from that simultaneously awful and wonderful day when Oz had come back for her and she'd had to choose her love.

"Honey, of course I will," Tara reaffirmed immediately.

Willow took another shaky breath, feeling her pulse pounding in her temples. "Tara, just…please be careful. The Hellmouth is dangerous and I…I need you to be okay."

"Buffy's here," Tara reminded her. "We'll be careful." She paused for a beat. "You take care of yourself, Willow." There was more she wanted to say, but she forced herself to stay quiet.

"I will. You too." Willow made herself keep it simple, wanting to let herself beg for forgiveness but forcing it down. She could only pray that Tara would give her a chance to apologize whenever she could look her in the eyes again. "Is Buffy…or-or Xander, could I talk to…"

"Y-yeah, of course," Tara stammered just as Xander came through the front door. "Xander!" she called. "Willow's on the p-phone for you," she said, handing it off to him.

He sat down in her seat at the desk and she started toward the front door only to hesitate at the base of the stairs. She had always known that her standing in the Scooby group stemmed from her relationship with Willow, but in the months after Buffy's death, she'd grown more assured that the others liked her for who she was and not just who she was dating. Now that Willow was gone, though, she wasn't sure what to do about her living situation. Willow wasn't wrong, she'd packed the night Giles had left, but Willow had left as well and run further than she ever would have been able to do herself.

She knew Dawn wanted her to stay, and Revello Drive had become her home in those dark, painful months following the Slayer's death. Buffy was back now though, so her presence in the house wasn't strictly needed, especially in the light of Willow's absence.

Sighing, she started up the stairs, telling herself that she could make one last check of their room and see if there was anything big she'd left behind. The room felt beyond empty, even with all of Willow's things still in place. Just knowing that she was gone made everything feel less bright, the entire world less colorful. A framed picture on the dresser caught her eye, the two of them dancing close at her birthday party two years before, and she wondered who'd taken it. Even in the still she could see how happy they both were, the peace on Willow's face and the completion on her own.

Another look around the room didn't reveal anything obvious that she'd left, but she held onto the picture frame. As she turned to leave, she was surprised by Buffy, the Slayer lingering in the doorway. Her face was pale, eyes red and it was plain that she was beyond exhausted. "Hey," Tara greeted her softly. "I was just going to g-go…"

"Why?" Buffy asked, still leaning with her shoulder in the doorway, her body blocking the exit. "Will's not going to be using the room for a while, it sounds like. And Dawn said something about you leaving, I'm assuming that's why she was in such a bitchy mood this morning…" She sighed heavily, something else beyond her best friend and her Watcher's departures haunting her blue eyes. "I'd love it if you would stay, Tara." Buffy looked around the room, still seeing traces of her mother's presence through the witches' possessions that filled the room now. "Please…this is your home now too."

There was clearly something she wasn't saying, something she couldn't bring herself to speak aloud. "Willow, I was l-leaving…" Tara stammered. "And s-she…she said she didn't w-want me to w-wait…"

Buffy nodded, her arms crossing her chest. "Yeah, you guys are having problems, I get that…but she's not here, and… Dawn loves you guys, both of you. If you both leave, she's going to hate me for letting you get out the door." She gave a weak smile. "And you're my friend, Tara. I don't want you to go, but I understand if you can't stay here…"

"Are you okay, Buffy?" Tara asked, concerned by the Slayer's odd behavior.

The Slayer blinked, nodding. "Yeah," she said unconvincingly. "Just, you know, Will and Giles are gone…"

The witch could sense that there was more to it, but she didn't push. "Okay," she agreed slowly. "You really wouldn't mind if I stayed?"

"Of course not," Buffy said immediately. "Mi casa is you casa, or whatever."

Tara smiled crookedly, relieved. "Thanks Buffy. I guess I'll get my stuff back from the campus tomorrow after class. And when Willow comes back…"

"We'll figure it out then, okay?" Buffy interjected. "And thank you, Tara," she said, voice low and tired. "It's still…rough being back and I'm not sure I can handle Dawnie if you weren't around."

She turned to go, drawn back as Tara cleared her throat. "Willow… I told her I wouldn't call again, but s-she promised to call and l-let us know how it's going…" She swallowed, Buffy looking over her shoulder at the witch. "Just, please, tell me how she's doing? I told her we wouldn't talk, but I still need to know."

"Of course," Buffy agreed.

"And if she ever, if she needs anything, tell me?"

The Slayer nodded. "Sure, Tara." She hesitated. "You guys can work it out, right? You and Will are the light at the end of my relationship tunnel."

"What do you mean?" Tara asked, laughing quietly as she curled both arms around herself.

Buffy shrugged, still not facing her. "I mean love on the Hellmouth sucks, sometimes literally in my case, and you guys give me hope." She smiled and the expression was almost sad. "If it makes a difference, Will's doing this for you. She'd do anything for you."

Tara's head shook from side to side. "I don't need her to do it for me. I need her to do it for herself." She looked down shyly, eyes finding her beloved's face in the picture still in her grip. "If she gets better and decides that she doesn't want to work this out with me, at least she's better. That's what matters."

"What you want matters too, Tara," Buffy said, surprising them both with the sudden insight. "And it's really great of you to be so supportive for Will, but if you want her, don't let her get away."

"Thank you, Buffy," the witch said again, giving her a soft smile as she put the picture frame back down on the dresser. It might not be what either of them had expected from their separation, but she'd be home waiting on her whenever Willow returned. And she was willing to fight to keep her.


	2. Chapter 2

The days where she cast had somehow become harder than the days she didn't. At some point in the last three months since she'd arrived in England starting and then having to stop had become exponentially worse than not casting at all. They'd been varying her schedule to increase the pressure, see how long she could take it. Willow knew it wasn't to torment her, though, but to expand her control.

Still, sweat was sliding down her temples and the back of her neck as she reached as deep into the earth as she dared. She was tracing the energy consumed by the root system of the coven's oldest oak tree, following the winding path far below the surface of the soil. Exploring it wasn't anywhere near as hard as knowing that she could control the energy. She could turn the tree into anything she could dream up. She could even use the energy to affect something on the other side of the world. It was all connected and it was all within her abilities, but she had to stop. She couldn't just bend the tree to her whims, just as she couldn't erase her friend's memories whenever she screwed up.

The training had been rigorous, but it was nothing compared to the guilt she heaped on herself. Things were getting better, though. Slowly, but surely.

Taking a deep breath, she withdrew herself from the earth. Pushing herself shakily to her feet, she patted the rough bark softly. There was a heavy bottle of water tucked into the winding roots and she picked it up, unscrewing the cap and taking a long drink as she watched the sun tease the horizon, slowly descending.

She was alone on the hillside, but she knew the house was full of energy and noise, and she wanted to enjoy the peaceful quiet for another few minutes. She knew the sun was still up at home, and she tried to imagine what the sky looked like there. She missed her friends every single day, the absence from their lives growing sharper with every rotation of the day. Xander called every other day, and Buffy would phone Giles once a week or so, but she hadn't heard Tara's voice since their last conversation, the blonde witch keeping her promise not to call.

Sighing morosely, Willow took another drink of her water and started back toward the big farmhouse. Her room was on one end, so she was able to bypass the bustling dining room for the moment, wanting to take a shower before she joined the others. She was drawn up short when she flipped her light-switch to reveal the box on her bed.

One glance at the handwriting and she knew who'd sent it, the postmark only confirming it. She started to wave her hand and summon the phone, the spell popping into her head without prompting, but she gritted her teeth and forced it down. The phone was in Giles' room, but she collected it, dialing as she crossed the hall again.

Buffy answered, the Slayer sounding tired. "Did I wake you up?" Willow asked, ripping the tape off the box.

"Yes," Buffy groaned as she rolled over.

"It's the middle of the afternoon there, Buff. Rough night?" the witch said sympathetically as she sifted through the carton with both hands, phone pinned between her chin and shoulder.

"You could say that," the blonde said, voice hoarse. She'd been with Spike until sunrise and then come home to collapse into bed, intending to sleep for the rest of the day in an attempt to forget about the shit-storm her life had become. It was no easier to be there, her entire life a never-ending façade of coping. "How you doing, Will?" Her friend's struggle was a handy distraction from her own.

"Pretty good," Willow conceded. "Every day's a little different, but it's getting better." There were a few of her books in the box, an envelope from Xander, as well as another from Dawn. Still no contact from Tara. She lifted the books out and was surprised to find a framed picture underneath, wrapped carefully in an old t-shirt. "What's this?"

"I don't know. What is it?" Buffy asked, covering her eyes with the back of her arm as she stretched. Spike had been rough with her the night before and she could feel it in her back.

The witch smiled as she pulled the picture out. It wasn't the one that had caught Tara's eye of them dancing, but was one of the pair of them at the beach. They were posed together, Willow's arm around Tara's waist from behind while they smiled at the camera. In the background she could see Xander and Anya in the surf.

"I got your package," Willow said, snapping out of her longing gaze. Not seeing Tara was one of the hardest parts of being in England, and the picture had made that reminder sting sharply. "The picture…" Her voice trailed off, fingers trembling on the frame.

"I thought you'd like it," Buffy said tiredly. "I know you miss her."

"Of course I miss her. I miss you and Xander too!"

"Fine, I'll send you a picture of the rest of us next time," Buffy said, yawning. "I saw this one and figured you'd like it. Tara won't miss it. There's a bunch of pictures up in there now."

Willow blinked, surprised to hear her lover's name after so long where she wouldn't even let herself think it. "You took this from her dorm? Why were you on campus?"

"I wasn't," Buffy said, groaning as she sat up. "She lives here, remember?"

Green eyes widened and she could see visions of Tara in their room, dozens of them flashing across her mind's eye. "She didn't leave?" she asked breathlessly. It made her feel strangely better to think that Tara hadn't left home, that she still had the support of their friends, even if she'd bolted across the ocean herself.

"Nope. I think she was planning on it, but since you were gone we decided she'd stay. It's not like it can get awkward if you two run into each other in the hall since you're not actually in this country," Buffy pointed out. "Just give us a heads up when you're coming home and we'll figure something out, okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, that's great. I'm glad she stayed," Willow said quickly.

"So are we," Buffy said as she pushed herself to her feet. "Damn it," she cursed under her breath as the surveyed the newest night's worth of bruises from Spike in the mirror.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Willow asked, frowning at the tone in her friend's voice.

The blonde lifted her shirt to look at her midriff, finding a few old bruises scattered across her tanned skin as well as what was most definitely a hickey on her stomach. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" she breathed, some traitorous part of her mind remembering the feel of Spike's blunt human teeth scraping down her body, his mouth lingering just above her navel to leave a mark on her. He knew she'd stake him if he ever came close to biting her, so he seemed to get pleasure from marking her in other ways.

"Buffy?" Willow's voice snapped her back to the present and she dropped her shirt. "Are you…?"

"I'm okay," the Slayer said quickly. "Just got bruises in places I didn't expect."

"Good thing it's not bikini season?" Willow offered, wishing that Buffy didn't sound so depressed still. She wanted to beg her friend to talk to her, but knew just as well that the blonde still blamed her, and rightly so, for dragging her out of heaven.

"Definitely," Buffy agreed, thinking of the likely possibility that there were finger-shaped bruises on her thighs. "January was doing me a favor."

"Speaking of January, did you get your presents?" Willow asked, hoping the subject change might cheer her up.

Buffy had gotten the box from England, birthday gifts from Willow and Giles, but she hadn't opened them yet, thoroughly distracted by trying to put her life back to some semblance of normal. Her birthday had come and gone without too much of a fuss, thankfully.

"Yeah, I got 'em. Thanks Will. And thank Giles for me too, okay?"

"Of course. Happy Birthday. I'm sorry I didn't get to call on the day. That's wasn't a good day here," Willow apologized, genuinely regretful. The day of Buffy's birthday had been one of her infrequent lapses, pushing too far and becoming the screaming black-eyed creature she feared and loathed. After she'd come down, she'd been in meditation for hours and she'd missed her chance to call home.

"There's more good days than bad, though, aren't there?" Buffy asked, voice soft. She still had moments where she was furious at the witch for her part in the spell that had dragged her back, but Willow was her best friend and another part of her knew that they had only been trying to help her.

Willow sighed, thinking of the months since she'd started, the progress she'd made since her arrival. "Yeah, there are."

"Good. We need you here."

The witch laughed. "Is Anya's wedding planning going crazy yet?"

"You wouldn't believe it!" Buffy said earnestly. "You should have seen the mythic butting of heads when Xander said that he wanted to push the wedding back so that you could be best man."

Willow grimaced. She could already imagine the former demon's reaction. "She already hates me! Now this? I'm never going to be able to show my face in Sunnydale again!"

"If you're not back here in six months, even just for a visit, I think Anya's going to be coming for you," the Slayer warned her. "And Dawnie might kill me."

"Why would she kill you?" Willow asked with a laugh. "You're not why I'm gone. I'm why I'm gone."

"Yeah, well, Dawn has kind of been blaming me for the moping and making you feel bad, and leave and stuff," Buffy said. "But I'm the big sister. I'm going to be the person she blames for everything." She sighed heavily and Willow could feel her friend's exhaustion and frustration over the line. "That's one of the less fun things about being the parental figure."

"Buffy…"

"Don't worry about it, Will. If it wasn't this she'd be finding something else to bitch about," she said. "She's just being sixteen. You remember being that age."

The witch sighed regretfully. "I'm still sorry, Buff. There's a lot of stuff there that's my fault, but you shouldn't have to be taking the heat for it. If you want, I'll talk to Dawnie, if you think that she'll talk to me…" Willow offered.

Buffy sighed, wandering across the hall to start the shower in the bathroom. "Don't worry about it, Will. Just focus on getting home, okay?" She swallowed hard. "We all miss you." Even with everything they'd been through lately, she missed her best friend more than she could say. She couldn't believe what was becoming of her life, but telling Willow about it would make it real, irrevocable, and she couldn't risk losing her by telling the truth about how she was spending her nights - not staking the undead but being screwed by one.

"Yeah, I will. And I miss you too, Buffy. I'll call soon," the redhead promised. "And thank you for the picture. And the books and everything. I appreciate it."

"Not a problem, Will. I'll talk to you soon," Buffy said, hanging up as steam started to cloud out around the curtain. The heat made her grimace as it hit a few sore spots, but she knew they'd heal in a day or so. Shedding her clothes, she slipped under the pelting flow. She lingered in the shower, the only privacy she ever got in between patrols and everyone's never-ending concern for her mental state. It was all overwhelming. There was no peace to be found outside of the half hour she spent in the bathroom every day.

She took her time getting dressed, grateful to hear the silence in the rest of the house. The phone rang again suddenly and she grumbled as she answered it. "Summers' residence."

"It's me again," Willow said quickly. "I know stuff is still weird with us, but there's something wrong. I can tell!" Buffy was quiet and the witch continued, babbling nervously. "You're my best friend! I love you! Please talk to me! Whatever it is, talk to me, Buffy! There's a good chance that it's my fault and I can apologize again!"

"This isn't your fault," Buffy interjected morosely.

"What is it?" Willow asked, taking a seat on her bed. She was missing dinner, had barely made it to the dining room before she'd turned around to call Buffy again, unable to stand the tension and secrets between them anymore. "Buff, whatever it is, I'm here for you." There was no response and she continued hesitantly. "Have you talked to anybody about whatever it is? Xander? Or Dawn?"

The Slayer sighed heavily, dropping to sit cross-legged on the carpet of her bedroom and slumping back against her bed. "They don't know anything's wrong. Tara suspects something, I think, but she's too much of a sweetheart to confront me about it."

"Oh, well if you'd rather talk to her, I know she'll listen," Willow agreed quickly, desperate to be supportive. "She's a great listener!"

Buffy laughed, covering her eyes with one hand. "Will, it's okay. You don't have to sell me on how great your girlfriend is. I get it!"

Willow stiffened at the word girlfriend, holding her breath unconsciously. "Yeah," she croaked hoarsely, throat dry. "Except she's not my girlfriend anymore."

In America, Buffy scoffed. "Please! She told me about your little 'don't wait for me' thing. I think you're going to be in for a surprise whenever you finally get home, Will. If you want Tara gone it's going to take a bit more than noble intentions."

"I don't want her gone!" Willow protested, feeling her cheeks grow red. "I love her!"

"And she loves you, no matter what you did to her," Buffy answered her. "It's just the rest of it that you guys have to figure out."

"The rest of it? You mean trust, and honesty, and self-control?" the witch asked incredulously. "Just that stuff?"

"Yep," Buffy said promptly, smiling to herself. "But the first step is you finishing school in England and coming home," she reminded her friend.

Willow sighed, realizing suddenly that her purpose in calling had been handily buried in conversation about herself. "Hey!" she exclaimed suddenly. "We're supposed to be talking about you!"

Buffy's smile slipped and she swallowed, absently stroking the area where Spike's mark lingered on her skin. "I don't think I can say it out loud, Will," she confessed finally, after the stretched silence became unbearable. "That makes it real, makes me someone… well, not someone I like…"

Willow frowned, sighing sympathetically. "No matter what it is, Buffy, I love you."

"Love you too, Willow," Buffy responded hoarsely.

"I get that you can't tell me, though," Willow said sadly. "Just, if you can't say it, maybe you could write me a letter?" she suggested. "Or if you'd rather not tell anyone yet, that's fine too, I guess…"

"I'm sleeping with Spike," Buffy interjected, voice low.

Willow's jaw dropped, mind racing. "Sleeping with? You mean, like,_ sleeping _with, like the naked kind of together? Like, in bed, and naked, and _together_?"

"Sometimes we get all the clothes off. It's more rare that we actually make it to a bed," Buffy said, eyes closed. She'd put it out there, there was nothing for it but to see it through.

"Buffy," Willow sighed, trying to wrap her head around this. Of all the things she'd expected from Buffy's depression, this hadn't even been on the list. "Okay, well, I mean…"

"I know it's wrong, Will. You don't have to think of some nice way to say it," Buffy interrupted, knowing that her friend's babble on this subject was likely to be legendary. "It's wrong and I hate myself for going to him…"

"But some part of you needs it," Willow said knowingly, understanding exactly what her friend was talking about. "I get it, Buffy. Really, I do!" She sighed, trying to think. "I can even get _him_, I think. I mean, Angel was hotter, if you ask me, but Spike, he's been helping us for a while now, and he really seems to care about you…"

"He can hurt me," Buffy said, voice rough. "He says it's not the chip, he can't hurt anyone else, just me. Will, what's happening to me? Who am I now? Why am I letting this happen to me? Why do I let him do those things to me?"

The frown was starting to feel permanent on her face and the redhead felt tears of sympathy prick her eyes. "Maybe you should have come to England with me," she joked weakly, not sure what to say about any of this. They were quite the pair, the Slayer and the witch, both with their own addictions.

"Maybe I would have if you'd actually told us you were going," Buffy said, letting the honesty just spill out of her. "You hate me now, don't you?" she asked morosely, not expecting that her best friend could feel anything but contempt for her when she couldn't muster much more for herself than loathing. Her life felt like hell, and Spike was the devil, dragging her deeper into the darkness. So why couldn't she stop herself from _wanting_ him? Even as she sat and miserably confessed the truth to her best friend, she burned for his touch, for the dangerous feel of his lips on her skin.

"Of course I don't hate you," Willow said emphatically. "Buffy, I understand. I completely understand, okay? I might not get why _Spike_, of all people, not if he can hurt you, but hey, I prefer women," she said, trying to joke weakly. "Well, you know, the one woman… Buff, I do understand."

Buffy didn't speak, feeling tears roll down her cheeks as she leaned her head back against the mattress of her bed. She didn't know if they were tears of pain or tears of relief, but just the simple fact that she was still capable of tears at all was more than she'd expected.

Willow could hear the sniffles and she closed her eyes, wishing that she could see her friend. "Buffy, I'm so sorry I'm not there. I'm _so_ sorry."

"It's not your fault," Buffy said, gasping around her tears. "Not everything is your fault. I'm perfectly capable of screwing up my life on my own."

"You're my best friend and I should be there for you!" Willow protested. "Not in another country…"

"You've got your own stuff you're going through, Willow," Buffy reminded her. "You had to go. We all get that."

"But now I know what you're going through. I can't just _not_ think about it," Willow stated. "You're my best friend, Buffy. No matter what."

"Well, now we can help each other, right? Don't they say that misery loves company?" Buffy asked, wiping her face with her free hand.

"Buffy!" the redhead chided her weakly. "I guess you're right. Will you call me, if things are bad?"

The Slayer laughed, the sound ringing with bitterness. "Sure, we can talk every night. My phone bill can definitely handle that."

"If that's what you need, then do it," Willow agreed immediately. "We can get phone cards or something. And if you can't call me, then talk to Xander, or Dawn, or Tara."

"I can't admit this to any of them!" Buffy protested. "And I can't burden you with it either, Will. You've got your own problems to deal with. I can handle this," she said, trying to sound confident but only managing to reach resigned.

"Yeah, and I'm doing great over here too," Willow agreed sarcastically. "We need each other, Buffy. We've only made it this far together. If we can't stick together through all this we're going to fail."

Buffy swallowed hard, sitting up. "You're right." Her voice choked up and she curled her knees into her chest. "Thank you, Willow." She heard the door open downstairs, and she groaned. "Someone's home. Can I call you soon?"

"Of course," the witch agreed, feeling her stomach protesting her skipping dinner. "I've got to get something to eat. Take care of yourself, okay Buffy?"

The Slayer sighed, pushing herself to her feet. "You too."

"We'll talk soon," Willow assured her. "And I know you don't want to tell anybody else what's going on, but Tara won't judge. And she'll listen. She can help you. You'll need someone there to talk to."

"I'll think about it. I trust Tara, I just don't know if I can stand seeing her reaction," Buffy said. "The only way I could tell you was because I didn't have to see the look on your face."

"Buffy… I know it can't be easy, but Tara will surprise you," Willow said, feeling a surge of love for both her best friend and her lover. "She surprised me every single day we were together."

"You need to stop it with the past tense stuff," Buffy reminded her. "You guys will work it out. She still loves you. Not talking to you is killing her, but she knows you need to get your head on straight and she's willing to wait."

Willow sighed heavily, shaking her head. "I thought someone was home…"

"Fine, but not acknowledging it doesn't mean I'm not right," Buffy said, almost smug about it. Tara's love for Willow was a refreshingly stable part of her daily home life. The blonde witch fit into their lives at Revello Drive as easily as if she'd always been there and they were all grateful that she'd been convinced to stay. "But I do have to go," she said regretfully.

"We'll talk soon," Willow promised. "Bye, Buffy."

"Later." She clicked off the handset and dropped it on her bed as she concentrated on pasting on her coping expression. Once she felt more confident that one look at her face wouldn't give her away, she started downstairs, letting her feet hit the steps harder than was strictly necessary, so that the noise announced her presence.

Tara gave her a soft smile from the dining room, in the middle of setting the table for lunch. "I thought you'd be sleeping. You got home late," she observed, her tone masking whether she actually knew anything about where Buffy had been, but making it clear that she knew that she hadn't been where she'd claimed to be.

"Your girlfriend woke me up," Buffy told her, lifting her eyebrows even as she yawned. "I sent her a box of books and a picture of you two. She called to say thank you."

Tara sent her a look, shaking her head. "Buffy… You shouldn't have done that. She wants space and I'm trying to give it to her."

"At least you didn't insist that she's not your girlfriend," Buffy mused, grimacing as Tara flinched. "She doesn't mean it. She thinks she's helping you if she lets you go. I tried to tell her…"

"If it's less of a distraction for her, then g-good," Tara said unconvincingly. Her hands were fidgeting with the napkins. "How is she?" she asked hesitantly.

Buffy smiled slowly, eyes watching the witch. "She's lonely, but she said there's more good days than bad."

"She said she's lonely?" Tara asked, frowning.

"Not out loud, but I know her very well," Buffy said. "She misses you."

"I can't call her," Tara cut her off. "She asked for space to get better."

The Slayer shrugged, snagging a chip from the bowl Tara had put out in the middle of the table. "I say that hearing from you could only help her," she reasoned as she crunched on her chip. "What's with the set up anyway? No one else is home."

"Xander and Anya are coming over," Tara answered her. The Slayer just gave her a confused look and the witch sighed sympathetically. "It's Saturday," she reminded her friend gently. "We're taking Dawn out after lunch… to look for a dress… for the dance," she added when Buffy still looked lost.

"We, like me and you, we?" Buffy asked, brow furrowing.

Tara sighed, nodding. "She asked you to go a few days ago," she confirmed. "I'll talk to Anya about going…"

"No, I mean, I'll go! I just…forgot," Buffy said, shoulders slumping. "Sorry Tara. You won't…don't tell Dawn I forgot?" she requested.

"Of course not," Tara said immediately. "It's our secret."

Buffy flinched back from that word, Willow's statement about Tara's empathy springing to mind. "Willow says you're a good listener," she said slowly. Tara gave her a concerned look, but didn't speak, waiting on Buffy to elaborate in her own time. "I think I came back wrong." She didn't look up from the surface of the table as Tara took the seat next to her. "Spike, he can hurt me." Her head lifted slowly, eyes heavy and haunted. "Please Tara. I have to know what's wrong with me. Can you check? I would have asked Will, but…"

"No, it's…I understand," Tara said quickly. "He can hurt you?" Buffy nodded miserably. "How…how long?"

"Too long," Buffy said emphatically. "Can you please check the spell?"

"Of course." The witch nodded. "It will take me a little while, though. I'm not as familiar with the spell as Willow is…"

"That's fine. I just need to know," Buffy agreed, appearing relieved already. "There's something else…" She started to speak, but shut up quickly as the front door opened.

Tara didn't ask, giving the others a genuine smile. "Hey. Lunch will be on the table in two minutes."

"No hurry," Xander said easily, stealing a chip from the bowl and taking the seat across from Buffy. "What have you two lovely ladies been up to today?" he asked, apparently in a good mood. It had all been pretty up and down for all of them since Willow had left.

Wanting to keep it that way, Buffy spoke up. "I talked to Will."

"How is she?" he asked eagerly. He got updates every few days from Giles, and talked to Willow herself more than any of the others had since her departure, but he was still excited for any news.

"She sounds better," Buffy said, glancing up at Tara as the witch moved to gather the rest of their lunch from the kitchen. The Slayer related the basics of her conversation with the absent Scooby to the rest of them, though she did leave out the second half of their talk.

"Good," Anya said matter-of-factly as Buffy finished her account, the ex-demon nodding. The others just sent confused glances around the table, not expecting empathy from Anya. "The sooner she gets it out of her system and comes home, the sooner we can get married," she explained plainly. "And Tara won't have to be sad anymore."

The blonde witch could feel herself blushing as the rest of the eyes in the room turned to her. Her first instinct was to protest, but she knew that it would ring false to all of them. Without Willow she _was_ sad. It was that simple. But they all were sorry about the witch's absence. And, of course, Anya was the one to lay it out for scrutiny. It was blunt, but they all knew that she meant it in her own awkward but caring way.

"So Dawn's going to the dance?" Buffy interjected quickly, changing the subject to spare Tara any more embarrassment. "Does she have a date?"

"I t-think she's just g-going with a group of f-friends," Tara said, not meeting anyone's eyes, but poking at a baby carrot on her plate with the tines of her fork and watching it roll.

Buffy nodded, sighing in relief. After the mess at Halloween she'd been trying to keep better track of her sister, but with the fugue state she'd been living in she couldn't be sure she hadn't missed anything. "And the dance itself is at the Bronze, right?"

"You're not going to crash it are you?" Xander asked, laughing as he pointed his own fork at her accusingly. "Because we're not the cool kids anymore, Buff."

"We were never the cool kids," she reminded him, smirking across the table to meet his grin. "Remember how we lived in the library and spent extracurricular time with the librarian?"

The reminder of their absent mentor dragged them all back to the present, feeling like a wave of cold water dampening their moods. There was a hole left behind in all of them, a gap saved only for Willow and Giles. They could all feel their friends' absences starting to drag them back down, the same cycle they'd been struggling against for months.

"We managed to make it work for us," Xander said hoarsely, not even his normally incorrigible joking abilities unaffected by Willow's absence. His arm curled around Anya's shoulders and she gave the others surveying looks.

"Xander is right! With the exception of Buffy, you all managed to get beautiful women to fall in love with you, in spite of the nerds you were in high school!" she offered cheerfully. "And since Buffy has given us no indication that she wants a woman to love her, I'd say that you're not doing too bad at all!" She finished her pronouncement with a decisive nod and none of them could help smiling weakly.

Buffy even laughed, shaking her head. "No, no girls for me," she said, glancing sideways at where Tara was blushing beside her. The witch returned the glance and Buffy felt her smile weaken. Only one person knew who _was_ sleeping with, and Will would never tell on her, but she still felt dirty under her friends' eyes. "On second thought, that could be an improvement," she murmured, sending a twitter of laughter around the table.

"I think you should try it out!" Xander offered, his good mood starting to return as they joked around. "I'll make it my personal mission to find you a girlfriend!" he offered. "We could get Will in on it too! She could find you a nice English girl! And we'd continue my long-standing tradition of being the only guy in our age bracket."

Anya swatted his chest. "Other people's lesbian girlfriends are not for you!" she chided glaring.

"Yeah!" Buffy agreed, grinning unconsciously. "Tara's off limits!"

They realized how ridiculous they were being simultaneously, bursting into another wave of laughter. They were looking around the table at the others as they settled down, able to see how good it felt in the faces of their friends. It had been a long few months since Buffy's return and Willow's departure, but this felt almost normal and it was clear how much they'd all missed it.

Dawn entered, giving her smiling elders a hopeful expression as she joined them at the table. "What's this about? Everyone seems happy…"

"Buffy's considering becoming a lesbian," Anya answered promptly, grinning cheerfully.

"What?" Dawn questioned with a laugh, giving her sister a look even as the Slayer shook her head.

"That's a bit out of context," Buffy said quickly, still smiling as she took a sip of her water. "We were just kidding around, Dawnie."

The teen just looked relieved to see a happy expression on her friends' faces and she didn't push for an explanation. "You're still going to be able to come shopping, aren't you?" she asked, unable to hide the hopeful note in her voice.

Buffy's eyes flickered to Tara for a heartbeat, but she nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'm all yours," she said, part of her surprised to realize that her good mood was genuine. She really did want to spend time with her sister, with her friends. Her eyes met Xander's and she could see the same reflected in his face. Things had been so bad, for so long, each of them trying to cope on their own and failing. Willow's words about needing each other came back to her suddenly, and she felt tears prick and burn behind her eyes as he nodded silently to her from across the table.

"Good," Dawn said softly, drawing her sister's gaze. "We've missed you around here."

Buffy swallowed the tears back, knowing that she wasn't better, not yet, but maybe she'd made a step towards it. "Me too," she answered, voice hoarse under the repressed emotion.

She'd felt all alone in her own life, solitary even as she was surrounded by friends who loved her. But they'd always been there, never wavering in their friendship. She'd just cut herself off from feeling their love. It was easier to blame them for her problems than accept that they'd all made mistakes but still loved each other.

They avoided the shops Dawn had pilfered from, but still managed to find a dress that they could afford and have fun in the process. Anya had to return to the store after lunch, making money infinitely more appealing to her than spending it, but Xander had stuck with them and he was carrying the bags as they came through the front door. The girls were laughing as he told them about some prank that had been played on his jobsite, only to collide with his back as he stopped walking just inside the door.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, suddenly surly.

Buffy didn't have to look to know who he was talking to, and her spine tensed. "Let me handle this," she said, stepping around him slowly. The bleach-blond vampire was smirking as their eyes met and she sighed. "Why are you here, Spike?" she asked, feeling her good mood draining away suddenly. "And at four in the afternoon?" she added pointedly with a glance at the bright sunlight outside.

"Is there another time that would be better for you, Slayer?" Spike asked, teasing her right in front of the others.

"Tell me what you have to tell me and get out," she ordered, glaring at him sternly, eyes widening in a clear warning.

"Fine," he said, pouting now that she wasn't going to play along. "Those three nerdy types been harassing you, word is they're planning something big."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "That's it? You mean bigger than peeking at naked women at the spa? If that's all you've got you can go."

Spike growled, crossing his arms across his chest as Tara and Dawn moved inside on either side of Buffy and Xander. "They're coming for _you_ now," he advised, angry suddenly. "They reckon you've screwed up too much for them lately. They're looking to send a demon your way. Is that big enough for you?" he demanded, eyes flickering sideways toward Dawn.

Buffy's annoyance wilted slightly. "Did you happen to find out what kind of demon?"

"Not exactly," he admitted.

"Great!" Xander chimed in. "News flash, Buffy! Some creep is coming after you! I hope you're not terribly surprised," he said, sarcasm obvious. "Thanks _so_ much for that staggering insight, Spike!"

Spike took a brash step toward him, intercepted by Buffy before he got close. Xander matched the step, and Buffy was holding them apart, a hand on either man's chest. "Spike, leave," she said sternly.

"Daylight," he answered smugly, pointing toward the door.

"You're here. You had to have had cover," she pointed out. "Find your blanket and go."

He let his extended arm rest on her shoulder, Buffy immediately shrugging it off. He didn't back down, stepping closer to her even as her hands pushed him away. "There are other covers I could hide under," he prompted, voice a low rumble. "Not like I haven't before…"

Buffy felt her patience with the situation snap. It was one thing to tease her when they were alone, but this, in front of her family? Her hands were fists in the collar of his long leather coat before he knew that she'd moved and she spun and shoved him out the front door, Xander barely getting out of the way.

They could all hear him cursing outside, his reflexes saving him as he managed to jerk his jacket up to cover his head as he bolted for protective shade. Buffy realized she was breathing hard, tears already in her eyes as she stared into the floor. She squeezed her eyes closed and felt the tears break down her cheeks. They all knew now. There was no way they couldn't.

Then Dawn's arms were folding around her and she let herself crumble into her sister's hold. She was sobbing suddenly, the pair of them collapsing to the floor as she told them everything through great, gasping breaths. Tears were streaming down her face, the stopper on her emotions finally gone as everything poured out through her eyes and sobbed, barely understandable words. She couldn't lift her face from Dawn's shoulder, couldn't see the disappointment and disgust she was expecting on their faces.

Then Tara was touching her hair, the blonde on her knees next to them, and Xander rested his hand on her back, rubbing soothingly. "Buffy," Tara whispered. "This is what Willow told you to tell us, isn't it?" Buffy nodded miserably, still not lifting her head.

"Will knew about this?" Xander demanded, tone sharp and short. "For how long?"

"Xander!" Dawn chided him, glaring over Buffy's head buried in her chest. "It's okay, Buffy. He won't hurt you again."

"Because I'm going to kill him," Xander promised.

"No," Buffy whimpered, lifting her face to shake her head at him.

Xander stood up, exasperated. "You won't look us in the face when we find out you've been boning the evil undead, but you'll beg me not to kill him?" he demanded, temper at the forefront.

"I wanted to tell you!" Buffy gasped, looking up at him as she sat up out of Dawn's arms. "I wanted to _stop_!"

"There's a simple solution if that's what you want!" Xander snapped. "Give me a stake and I'll do it myself!"

"No!" Buffy yelped, unable to help herself.

Xander froze, accusation in his eyes, but Dawn was the one who spoke up, still glaring at the carpenter. "Do you love him?" she asked her sister hesitantly, none of them sure they wanted to know.

Buffy took a moment before she answered, meeting each of their gazes with teary blue eyes. "No - I don't know. It's not love… But I do…_feel__ something_ for him." Her breathing was shuddery and she swallowed hard, both hands wiping her sticky face. "Please, Xander…"

He was obviously still furious and frustrated, but he hesitated, eyes lingering on Buffy. They could all see his expression soften in sympathy at the sight of his friend's misery. They'd all known that Buffy had been withdrawn and depressed, but none of them had imagined how far down she'd spiraled. Now it was all out in the open, and she had to face whatever came next - rejection or acceptance.

Her hopes of getting the second crumbled as Xander started pacing, shaking his head. "I can't do this now. I've got to…I need some air." He was gone before anyone could stop him, the click of the door seeming to echo in the silence left behind.

Buffy curled her legs up, tears falling faster again as she leaned her head against her knees. "Today was actually good, you know? Now it's all ruined," she said, hiccupping helplessly.

"He'll come around," Dawn said, pulling her sister back into her arms. "It's going to be okay, Buffy," she murmured soothingly, letting her sister cling to her. Her eyes met Tara's over Buffy's head, gratified to find no trace of judgment in her friend's expression, merely concern. "What should we do?" she wondered softly. "Willow?"

Tara blinked, eyes wide. "I c-can't - I said I wouldn't c-call."

"She'll want to know about this," Dawn pointed out. Tara didn't speak, and the teen sighed. "I'll call her, then." Her eyes rolled. "Even though I think that whole thing with you and her not talking is ridiculous," she added.

"Agreed," Buffy chimed in hoarsely, still sniffling back tears.

"I'll keep that in mind," Tara said to placate them, leaning down to look the Slayer in the face. "Are you okay?"

The blonde nodded, drawing in a deep breath to steady herself. "I think so." She patted Dawn's arm where it was curled across her shoulders and her sister let her sit up. "I'll just get some water, go out tonight and kill something, and I'll be fine," she said, trying to any little bit of her normal confidence.

If the look on Tara's face was any indication, she wasn't succeeding.

"I'll be alright," she said slowly. "Everyone knows now. So there's no reason to hide anymore." She swallowed, her voice hoarse. "And you guys can help me stay away from him…"

Dawn exchanged glances with Tara. "Is that likely to be a problem?" she asked hesitantly.

Buffy didn't answer for a long moment, shrugging finally. "He…I've tried to stop this. I just…he's got some kind of hold on me." She looked up to meet their eyes, her gaze lingering on Tara's face. "He says we're both creatures of darkness…"

Tara knew what she was saying, sighing. "You're not," she disagreed flatly. "He's wrong about this." Buffy's expression didn't change, and she sighed. "I'll check on the spell, though."

Buffy nodded gratefully. "And could you maybe do one more thing for me?" she asked. Tara gave her a reassuring smile and they all started standing up. "Could you redo the un-invitation spell on the house? I don't want him to be able to surprise us here anymore."

"It'll be done by dark," Tara promised, hands brushing down her long skirt.

The Slayer let out a breath of relief, feeling her tears drying cool and sticky on her face. Her friends knew the truth about her now, about who she was, what she'd been doing. And they were still her friends. Xander would need time to come around, but he wouldn't abandon her, not after everything they'd been through. Now she just had to keep herself from backsliding into the vampire's arms, an idea that she feared would prove more difficult than she could manage. Fortunately she didn't have to do it on her own anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Last chapter, but there will be an epilogue to tie up the loose ends. WhatHurtsMeMost, I hope you read this because I got your message, but the site is saying you've got PMs disabled and it won't let me reply. (Also, the epilogue is getting a few extra scenes from the version I sent you, so keep an eye open for that.)

* * *

><p>It was easier now, up to a certain point. The mental line in the sand, the line she couldn't cross, had moved forward and back as needed, always responding to her own confidence. She never let it feel blasé, coping with her control issues, but she couldn't help some days feeling easier than others. Those were the days she let herself move the line further out, pushing her control that much further.<p>

She was as deep as she'd been since she'd started in England, surrounded by magic, all of it completely in her control. The coven left her to her own devices now, trusting her to know her own limits after six months with them.

So when her control snapped, there was no one there to see it but her.

A hoarse scream escaped, her eyes black. Every spell she'd ever learned shot rapidly through her mind, anything within her power as she grasped the magic at her call. The rational part of her brain, the part that hated the magic and its control over her, was quick to snatch back the reins, Willow falling to her knees in the grass and gasping for breath.

"No," she ground out through clenched jaws. The lapse had been less than a minute, but it still rattled her. "No, no, no!" Fists were clenched in grass, her eyes squeezed closed. It had been several months since her last slip, which had actually lasted longer than this one had, but she'd been letting her hopes grow that she would be able to go home soon, and now her dreams were crumbling.

She pushed herself back to her feet, considering extending her practice outside for half a second before she changed her mind. There were fewer distractions in her room and she started back toward the farmhouse. However, once she was in her room, pacing the short distance between the wall and her bed, she couldn't concentrate at all. Before she knew what she was doing, her fingers were dialing the phone, still pacing.

The voice that answered her was one she hadn't heard in six months, but it was exactly the one she'd been secretly hoping for. Buffy was a good friend and supportive listener, but she couldn't understand the particulars of her struggle simply because she didn't know what the magic felt like. "Tara," she gasped. "Thank God…"

"Willow?" Tara questioned breathlessly, heart suddenly beating faster. "Sorry, I'll go get…"

"No! Don't go. I wanted it to be you who answered," Willow confessed, feeling tears in her eyes. "Please don't go," she pleaded. "I guess unless you're busy or something, because I understand, but I've been dying to talk to you and hear you say my name. I dream about you, Tara…"

"Willow," the blonde interrupted, free hand over her mouth as she sank weakly onto the edge of their bed. Technically she was the only one who'd been using it for the last six months, but she'd never once gotten over the shock of reaching for Willow at night and not finding her. "I miss you," she said breathily.

"Me too, baby! I miss you so much," Willow agreed, unknowingly mirroring her partner's position as she sat down on the bed that had never felt like home. "Tara…" She said the name helplessly, her soul in one simple name.

"Willow," Tara echoed, feeling tears of her own break free. Only the remembrance that Willow had maintained silence between them for the last six months, and more than part of her was stunned that she hadn't spoken to her lover in half of a year, made her swallow back everything she'd wanted to say to her over that long stretch of time. Instead she asked, "Is everything okay? You haven't wanted to talk to me before…"

Willow sighed, her eyes closed as she wallowed in the sound of her beloved's voice. "Tara, there has never been a day since this whole mess started that I haven't been dying to talk to you."

"You call, you never ask to talk to me…" Tara pointed out.

"That's because I've been afraid if I heard your voice, even once, that I would just break down and beg you to forgive me. All I've wanted to do since I got here was go home and pray that you would take me back," Willow said honestly, voice hoarse under her emotions.

"So what's different now?"

"Nothing! I still want to beg you to forgive me, and I pray every single minute that you'll give me another chance someday," Willow said immediately. "I just…today was a little setback, and all I wanted was to hear you tell me that everything is going to be okay. I didn't even know I had dialed the phone until I heard your voice…"

"Setback? Are you okay?" Tara asked anxiously.

"I slipped, just for a few seconds, but it scared me," Willow answered. "I can't be that person, and I haven't stumbled in months now, and I'm feeling kind of rattled."

Tara took a deep breath of relief, hand unconsciously pressed over her pounding heart. "Willow, everything is going to be okay," she promised. "We all believe in you, sweetie. You're doing this."

"Thank you," Willow said hoarsely.

"Of course," Tara murmured, smiling fondly. She'd missed Willow as desperately as the redhead had missed her, and just hearing her voice made her feel overwhelmed with love. "How have you been?" she asked softly, not sure how personal they should get before Willow was home again, but she wanted to know how her love was doing, and wanted to keep her on the phone as long as she could. Troubles or no, she just wanted to bask in as much of Willow's presence as she could get.

Willow swallowed hard, struggling to think past her relief at being able to hear Tara's voice. "Studying, working hard, lots of meditation. I miss you every single second, Tara." She hadn't meant to say that last bit, but she didn't want to apologize for it either.

"I miss you too, Will." Tara hesitated, finally asking the thing she was dying to know. "Are you coming home soon? We all miss you."

Willow sighed, the sound frustrated to both of them. "I had hoped so, but after this morning…"

"Honey, everybody slips every once in a while. I don't think it means that you haven't made progress," Tara offered.

"Not yet. I'm not good enough yet," Willow said, shaking her head. Pinning the phone between her shoulder and jaw, she settled into a meditation pose on her bed. "Tara, I'm dangerous when I'm out of control. I can't risk hurting you again."

"I get that," Tara said soothingly. "Sweetheart, I do. But one slip is not the same thing as being out of control."

Willow drew in a deep breath, concentrating. The magic responded to the touch of her mind, always alert and inside her. But Tara wasn't wrong - she was in control of it now. What had happened outside had been an accident brought on by overconfidence. Her control was greater now, but her abilities were still formidable. As long as she never forgot the balance, there was no reason she couldn't go home. Some part of her just couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't ready yet.

"I don't know…" She'd said it before she realized that she intended to speak, and Tara sighed heavily.

"Well, if it helps at all, I love you," the blonde offered. "I love you so much."

Willow's eyes were closed, the tears back before she knew they'd stopped. "Even after six months?" she asked, sucking in a shuddery breath.

"Willow, I would love you after ten years, fifty," Tara said earnestly. "However long you need, I'll still love you whenever you're ready to come home." She had no way of knowing what the state of their relationship would be whenever Willow made it back, but she knew that her love for the redhead wouldn't change.

"I never wanted you to put your life on hold," Willow started, her regret plain.

"Honey, I didn't," the blonde interjected. "It's hard, not getting to talk to you, tell you about my day, see you first thing in the morning, or kiss you goodnight, but I've got our friends here, and my classes keep me busy." In fact, she had a study group soon, but if she could keep Willow on the phone that long, she would blow it off to talk to her absent partner. "I miss you more than I could ever explain, Willow. But I know you feel it too. It hurts not getting to be close to you, but none of that means that I'm not still completely head over heels in love with you."

Willow blinked and more tears rolled down her face, leaving burning paths behind them. "Tara, I don't… I just want you to be happy…"

"What do you want to hear?" Tara asked. "Do you want to hear that a girl from my lab asked me out? Is that enough of 'having a life' for you?" Willow sucked in a shocked breath, not surprised that someone else would see how beautiful and wonderful Tara was, but a bit stunned by the force of her reaction. The question felt like a punch to the chest, driving all the air from her lungs. She knew it was selfish and possessive, but Tara was _hers_. They were supposed to be forever. Thankfully, she had the sense not to share those thoughts aloud.

"Where's she taking you?" the redhead managed to gasp, struggling to regain her meditative calm.

"Nowhere!" Tara said sternly. "Because I told her no, thank you."

"Tara…"

"You think I'm stalling my life waiting on you to come home, but how is it fair to go out with someone when I'm just going to spend the whole night thinking about you, feeling like I'm cheating on you?" the blonde demanded. "It would be different if I didn't love you so damn much, Willow! But I do!"

Willow couldn't help smiling, Tara's devotion clear. "Okay, no need to yell," she said, almost laughing. "I love you too, Tara. I just want you to be happy."

"I know that," Tara affirmed, voice softer. "And I'm okay. I'll be happier once you're home."

Willow felt every bit of her melt, overwhelmed. "How'd I get so lucky to find you?"

Tara blushed even though the redhead was on the other side of the world. "I ask myself the same question every day," she said with a laugh. "And we found each other, as I recall."

"I'm going to beat this," Willow said, gratified when her statement had an edge of confidence behind it. "I'll get it under control and I'll come home."

"I'll be here," Tara assured her. "You just take as much time as you need and be careful."

"I will. You too, baby," Willow said, the endearment slipping out before she thought to stop it. Tara didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't appear to mind it.

"You feeling better?"

Willow smiled, realizing that she was. "Thanks to you. I'm glad you answered the phone."

"Me too," Tara replied with a shy laugh. "I guess I should let you get back to work, or meditation, or whatever you're doing today," she offered, wanting nothing more than to stay on the phone with her for the rest of the day, but knowing that Willow had things to do, just as she did. They couldn't really be in each other's daily lives as long as they were in different countries, but talking at all was a great step forward.

"I love you," Willow said. "And I'll call you soon, okay?"

"Okay," Tara agreed, laughing again. "I love you too."

"Tomorrow! I'll call you tomorrow!" Willow yelped, blushing at her own over-eagerness.

The blonde took a deep breath of relief, smiling happily. "Thank you, sweetie. It'll be nice to hear your voice again instead of getting all of my news from Buffy and Xander and Giles."

Willow grinned goofily, feeling a little like they were arranging their first date. Of course, since it had been far too long since she'd heard her lover's voice, it could easily be seen like that. She giggled helplessly and Tara held the phone closer to her ear. "What's funny?" she asked, voice soft and lilting.

"It all feels new," Willow said, knowing that Tara would understand what she meant. "I mean, I know we've still got a lot of work to do to try and work this out, but right now it feels like we're starting over again. I guess it would be really long distance dating since I'm still in England, but…"

"I know what you mean," Tara agreed, pleased. "Talking is fine, sweetheart. We can figure out the rest of it when you get home."

Willow settled back into her pose, smile still locked on her lips. "Definitely," she agreed. "And I'd love to kill Buffy's phone bill talking to you for the rest of the night, but…"

"It's okay," Tara assured her. "I've actually got a study group I can still make it to if I leave now."

"Okay, well, I'll talk to you tomorrow, Tara," Willow said quickly.

"Tomorrow," the blonde agreed. Neither one of them wanted to say goodbye, and they clicked the phones off without speaking again, Willow going back to her meditation with lighter spirits than she'd had since she'd arrived in England, and Tara heading toward her study group.

She saw Buffy in the dining room, the Slayer poring over maps at the table. Buffy looked up as she reached the base of the stairs, frown on her face. "What's wrong?" Tara asked, joining her friend at the table. "What's all this?"

"The latest scheme those three idiots are up to," Buffy answered, surveying her paperwork with her arms crossed over her chest.

Tara gave her a careful look, trying to gauge the Slayer's state. Spike's warning had proven true, the Trio sending a demon after her, but Buffy had managed to kill it with just a few physical injuries to show for it. It hadn't hurt that they'd had warning, which had tempered Buffy's anger at Spike, if not Xander's. She'd even managed to chase the Trio out of their hideout, and had stolen a bunch of their papers. Sifting through it had given her something to do to distract herself from going back to Spike.

"Is there anything you can use?" Tara asked, sorting through her bag to make sure she had everything she needed for her study group.

Buffy nodded, arms still crossed and frown still in place. "Yep. Heading out now, actually."

Tara paused, giving the Slayer a look. "Need some help?"

Buffy looked up from the table, shaking her head. "Thanks, but I've got this one. You've got study group tonight, don't you?" Since the others had discovered the truth about herself and Spike, she'd made an effort to keep up with what the rest of them were doing, trying to stay involved in her friend's lives.

"Yes, but I was going to skip it to keep talking to Willow, so I could skip it if you need any backup," Tara said, shrugging.

Buffy blinked, surprised by that nonchalant revelation. "You talked to Will? That's good, right? How was it?" Tara was blushing, smile crooked, and Buffy clapped her hands excitedly, genuinely happy for her friends. "How's she doing?"

Tara related the majority of the conversation, unable to keep from smiling herself. Buffy squeezed her happily when she finished her story. "And she said she'd call again tomorrow," Tara said, coughing as Buffy's arms tightened.

"And self-control or not, I'm sure she'll hurt me if I hurt you even a little bit, so I'm going to let go now," Buffy mused, lifting both hands as she backed away, the smile still on her lips. "I'm glad, Tara. Really…"

"Me too," Tara agreed. "Are you sure that you don't want me to go with you? I don't mind…"

Buffy shrugged easily. "It's an armored car robbery. Shouldn't be a problem, Tara," she said confidently.

The witch rolled her eyes, obviously unsure. "Armored car robbery doesn't sound like a simple thing, Buffy."

"Aren't you missing the beginning of your study group?" the Slayer reminded her. "I'll take care of this and be home in time for dinner, okay?" Tara still looked doubtful and Buffy turned her toward the door with both hands. "I'll be careful," she promised, guiding her friend onto the porch. "Now, I'm heading this way, so I'll see you later," she said, pulling the door closed behind her and starting toward downtown as the sun slowly sank below the buildings.

The sun was down by the time she caught the trail of the armored car, but she wasn't alone and she glared over her shoulder, knowing without looking who it was. "Spike, why are you following me?" she questioned wearily.

"You're _going_ to talk to me, Buffy," he said, voice a low growl. His use of her name made her pause, and he was behind her in a second, though he stopped short of touching her.

"What do you want?" she asked, sighing. "I've got somewhere to be."

Spike rounded her, blue eyes matching her glare with his own. "You don't believe me when I say it, but I…"

"Don't," she cut him off, eyes narrowing in warning.

"Fine," he agreed more mildly than she'd expected. "But I mean to prove it to you, Buffy." He didn't elaborate and she didn't ask, the pair just staring at each other. He'd attempted to catch her a few times after work once he realized that Tara had renewed the spell banning him from the house, but Xander made a habit of coming to the Doublemeat any night Buffy was working. Spike had been avoiding her since, but being close to him again was proving more difficult than Buffy had anticipated. Even now, some part of her burned for him.

Tearing her eyes from him, she moved past him. "I'm leaving town." His announcement gave her another pause, neither of them moving. She was starting to turn back, face him, when they both heard the crash she'd come to prevent.

"Damn it," she muttered under her breath, taking off running in that direction and hearing Spike in pursuit. As she rounded the corner, though, she found herself grateful for his presence.

The armored truck was down on its side, Jonathan and the other guy watching as Warren tore his way in with his bare hands. Buffy stopped before they saw her, sliding around the corner of the next building up the block. Spike slipped into the space with her, both of them watching the Trio's leader heave the heavy bags of cash out of the truck.

"You with me?" Buffy asked, giving Spike a speculative glance.

"As always," he answered, sighing. "Where do you want me?" For once there was no trace of innuendo in his tone and she gestured around toward the right side. He nodded understanding and they moved at the same second, flanking the vehicle at a steady, slow pace.

Jonathan noticed Buffy coming before she got too close, his panicked yelp drawing the attention of the others. He and the other guy scrambled to get behind Warren, the geek scoffing as he caught sight of his opposition. "Finally found us, Slayer?"

She shrugged, making sure to look nonchalant. "Been busy. Finally found the time to come kick your asses."

Warren laughed, just giving her a grin as he jumped down from the truck and waved her forward. "Come on, then," he prompted.

Spike stalked forward toward the other two guys, Buffy aware that since they were facing humans the chipped vampire would need to rely on his intimidation to keep the other two under control since he couldn't actually hurt them. His vamp face fell into place and she knew he'd have no trouble.

"You know who I am, Warren," Buffy said, the pair circling each other. "You know you can't beat me."

"That's what you think, bitch," he shot back, running forward with a stiff arm extended. She ducked the blow easily, kicking back sharply against the back of his knee as he passed her. He seemed to have amplified his strength somehow, but he didn't have the years of combat training that she had.

Warren pitched forward, rolling across the asphalt as Buffy put herself between him and the truck. "Spike, don't worry about them," she called over her shoulder. "Check on the driver." She didn't look to see if he listened, though she thought that he had when she heard Jonathan and the other guy running up behind her. She didn't expect either one to be brave enough to make a move until Jonathan landed on her back. Warren whooped and cheered as he got back on his feet, Buffy spinning as she tried to dislodge her former classmate.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hissed when he didn't try and hit her, merely holding on as tight as he could. Of all of the Trio, he was the last one she'd expected to attack her since she'd saved his life on multiple occasions in high school.

"Break the orbs. On his belt," he whispered straight into her ear, finally giving up his grip and letting her sling him off. Spike was there immediately, getting in between him and Buffy and growling threateningly.

Warren was running at her before she could get her bearings, landing two quick shots to her face before she managed to plant her shoulder in his middle and flip him over her back. He was gasping for breath as she leaned over and ripped the case from his belt. She could tell from the look of horrified surprise on his face that she had what he needed to beat her. The ripple of retreating magic confirmed it and she flipped it open to drop the two stone orbs into her hand.

Warren could just watch as she tossed them idly from hand to hand for a few seconds before she crushed one then the other in her grip. "Oops," she said insincerely. "I guess you'll have to face me without any magic balls."

Warren was glaring hatefully at her from his back, but she made no move to stop him as he started pushing himself up. She even backed up a few comforting steps, waiting for him to make his move. She could see Jonathan and Andrew shoving at each other while Spike kept an eye on them, the majority of his attention on her face off with Warren.

"What are you going to do?" she asked mildly. "You know who I am, what I can do… And I've run out of patience with you, so I think you know what I _will_ do if you don't stop screwing things up in my town."

"You wouldn't touch me, you stupid bitch," Warren shot back. "Slayers don't kill humans."

"I never said I would kill you," Buffy corrected him, feeling Spike moving up behind her. "He might," she offered, not volunteering the information that Spike could only hurt her. Sirens were suddenly audible in the distance and Warren shot a panicked glance over his shoulder, shrugging out of his long trench coat to reveal some big machine strapped to his back.

Buffy's flip had apparently damaged something, as it spluttered and smoked when he started it up, but it was sufficient in getting him into the air and he flew into the night without a backward glance. The sirens were drawing closer and Buffy flinched as Spike spoke, closer than he had been. "Slayer, we've got to go."

Her eyes fell to where Jonathan and Andrew were chained to the overturned truck, the geeks too busy with their slap-fighting to notice their leader's abandonment, or their imminent arrest.

"Buffy!" Spike called more urgently. "We've got to _go_!"

Her attention snapped to him finally, and she nodded, following him as he took off down an alley. The heat of the police cruiser's spotlight was hot on her heels and she couldn't resist a backward glance. Spike's hands caught her shoulders as she ran into him, and she shrugged him off. His finger on his lips kept her from berating him for the physical contact, though.

Sighing, she moved around him to continue up the alleyway and distance themselves from the crime-scene behind them. He followed her in silence, waiting until they were a few blocks clear before he stepped up his pace to grab her arm, spinning her into his body and kissing her before she could protest. He expected her to shove him off as much as she expected it herself, and they were both surprised when she answered the kiss.

It was briefer than he would have liked, but he backed off when she did, eyes locking as they stared at each other. Buffy took a few breaths to steady herself, one hand touching her mouth. "That was goodbye," she said, eyes narrowing at him.

"For now," he agreed, pale blue eyes lighting up as he drank in the sight of her in the darkness.

"Where are you going anyway?" she asked, telling herself that she didn't care even as she put voice to the question.

Spike smirked, shaking his head. "I don't have to tell you anymore, Slayer. You've made it clear that you want nothing to do with me or my plans…" He broke his stare, waving as he turned, his coat blowing out behind him. "I'll be back," he promised over his shoulder.

"Spike!" she called after him, grateful when he didn't turn, just paused to listen. "Good luck," she offered, silently wondering what she was doing. He was still evil, just restrained, and whatever he was up to was most likely evil, but she couldn't help hoping that he found whatever he was leaving to look for. She blinked and he was gone, spiriting away into the dark underworld that she policed but didn't live in.

The walk home was quiet, some rebellious corner of her mind dragging thoughts of Spike to the forefront. She shut it down brutally, sure that she wouldn't be able to do so once she was asleep. He was the dark prince of her dreams, the desires that she couldn't let go of, even after rejecting him from her bed. Now that he was gone, she knew her dreams wouldn't be able to get free of him so simply. And she wasn't sure if she wanted them to…

A quick check of the eight o'clock news showed that the Sunnydale Police had proved adept at catching criminals already chained up and waiting for them, and she was sitting down just in time for dinner, just as she'd promised Tara she would be. The conversation around the table kept her distracted for a while, all of them marveling gratefully at how normal all of this was starting to feel again. Willow's absence was the only thing bringing them down.

Buffy basked in the peaceful quiet as she shut the door of her room behind her. Xander and Anya had gone home after dinner, Tara and Dawn doing their homework at the dining room table while she'd washed the dishes. But it was late now, everyone retreating to their bedrooms, and she wandered aimlessly toward her window, nudging it open.

It was a mild night, a slow breeze touching her face as she leaned in the windowsill. She missed Willow desperately, the feeling striking her suddenly, and she wondered what her best friend was doing as she stared up at the high face of the moon.

On the other side of the globe, the redhead was deep in meditation, her energy focused and strong. Her earlier lapse and subsequent conversation with Tara had strengthened her determination to work through her own weakness and go home that much sooner. To that end, she'd been working since she'd hung up the phone.

She stayed carefully inside the boundaries she'd set for herself, determined not to slip again. She knew the temptations of power would only be worse when she got home to the Hellmouth, though, and she feared the state of her self-control once she was back.

Forcing those thoughts down, Willow tightened her focus, pushing everything else out of her mind.

There was no good way to judge how long she'd been concentrating when she got the first flash. It was white hot behind her eyelids, bright white followed by red. It was just a moment and she tried to shake it off. Trembling, she stood up and stretched the kinks from her limbs. A glass of water didn't help calm her down, and she flopped onto her bed on her side, futile hopes for sleep in her head.

The clock showed four a.m. by the time she surrendered and looked at it, and she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. It didn't keep her from trying, tossing and turning restlessly as her night was whiled away by anxious thoughts and worries until sunrise pierced her window.

Rising from her bed, Willow shrugged into a coat to ward off the early morning dew and walked the grounds before she settled under a huge ancient oak to try and recapture her calm. Into the earth she went, tracing paths of life through the planet aimlessly. She saw the flash coming this time, the wave of whiteness becoming pain, extended through a wave of black then red. The colors were overwhelming, the accompanying pain making her scream. Then the black hit and there was nothing - a complete and sudden absence of everything that gave her the undeniable feeling of death. Then there was a wave of sadistic joy that followed and she wanted to be sick.

She was breathing hard as she snapped back to herself, leaning over to dry heave for a few moments. Whatever that was, whatever evil had happened, something out there was happy about it. She pushed herself to her feet shakily, rushing toward the coven house as fast as she could. Giles could be counted on to be found in the library after breakfast and she went in that direction.

"Giles!" she called for him loudly as she burst through the door, giving the few other early risers distracted apologetic looks as she bolted past them. The Watcher looked up as she ran straight past his chair and doubled back quickly. "Giles, there's something really wrong," she gasped, voice still loud.

He frowned, waving one hand down to quiet her as he set his book down. "What is it, Willow?"

"Something bad just happened," Willow said, throwing herself into the chair across from him before she was back on her feet and pacing. "I was in my room last night meditating and something happened…" He gave her a concerned look and she shook her head. "Not me. It was some kind of flash, a warning, or something. White then red. I tried, but I couldn't really shake it. Then just now I was outside and it happened again, longer this time."

"The same way?" Giles asked, looking up at her with a deepening frown on his face.

"White into black, then red," she confirmed, nodding. "But there were feelings this time - pain, death, and…"

"And…"

Her eyes met his and he could see the truth in her eyes. "Joy," she breathed, horrified. "Whatever happened, whoever died, or is dying… something evil is happy about it." She swallowed hard. "Giles, what if it's…"

They both knew who the most likely candidate was, and he rose to his feet. "We've got to get you home, immediately," he stated and she fell into step with him as he started from the library.

"Wait, how?" Willow asked, faltering. "If it is, if something happened, how am I… I can't do this, Giles!" she protested, suddenly swamped with self-doubt.

"You got this warning," he reminded her, still moving quickly. "And Buffy's life may depend on what you do now…"

She swallowed hard, throat dry, but her eyes were clear as she nodded her head. "Where are we going?" she asked, voice cracking.

"We're going to get you home to Sunnydale," he said cryptically, pushing open the door to the coven leaders' private rooms. "We need…"

"Your Slayer is dying," one of them cut him off, energy already crackling in the air of their circle.

"Dying?" Willow asked, blinking. "Not dead?"

"Not if you can stop it."

Willow's blood was pounding in her head, but she stepped forward quickly. "Get me there," she requested. They gestured to the center of the circle and she took her place. Their magic wrapped around her and she closed her eyes, gasping at the feeling. Her own magic was more familiar than the back of her hand, but tinged with her darkness. This was pure light, warmth and peace. It reminded her of nothing so much as Tara, her lover's lightness and love.

The pressure changed in her ears, the air burning hot for a moment before everything equalized and she opened her eyes to find herself on the street in front of the Summers' house. Everything looked peaceful, but her feeling of dread wouldn't be shaken off. Something guided her to the backyard, her feet pounding on the grass as she ran.

Buffy was alone, flat on her back as she burst through the gate, the Slayer's skin too pale, the grass stained red with blood, too much blood. Willow dashed across the yard, shoes crunching strangely in the grass at the edge of the walkway, but she ignored the oddity as she fell to her knees at Buffy's side, putting pressure on the bullet wound.

"No," she groaned, barely able to find a weak pulse in her friend's neck. "You're not going to die on me." The words escaped through clenched teeth, her head rocking back on her neck as she tried to grasp her tenuous calm. Something shiny on the deck caught her eye, and she frowned, looking further up. Time seemed to stop and all the air was sucked from her lungs as she saw the other bullet hole through the upstairs bedroom window. The room she'd shared with Tara. The room where Tara lived.

Buffy's blood was hot on her hands, though, and she knew if she didn't do something, the Slayer was dead for the third time. She forced down her anxiety, tearing her eyes off the broken window and making herself concentrate. There were a few ways to contain the blood loss, but she could already feel the Hellmouth's affect on her.

Pushing her hand more firmly against the wound, she closed her eyes, letting her magic worm its way down into Buffy's body, following the path of the bullet. It was still in there and burrowing deeper. It took all of her concentration to start guiding it back out, working on repairing the damaged arteries and vessels as she did. She had no idea how long she'd been working, the steadily stronger beat of Buffy's pulse her only measure of time. So she jumped when there was suddenly the loud siren of an ambulance approaching.

Her eyes snapped open and she found Tara on the porch. The blonde was mussed, obviously having just woken up, but she was clutching the phone and staring. Their eyes locked and Willow felt lightheaded suddenly, her own pounding pulse joining Buffy's in her head. "Oh thank God," she gasped, the noise of the siren growing louder. Then she fainted and it was silent.

Tara rushed down off the porch, already dialing the phone again. She'd been woken by the sound of gunshots and broken glass, so much louder than they ever were on television. A bullet had passed through her window, planting itself in the ceiling over the bed while she'd ducked under the covers in an automatic reaction. By the time she had reached the ground floor, Buffy was down, visible through the kitchen door, and she ran for the phone. But before she could get to the back door, Willow was there, running through the yard and starting to work on Buffy.

The redhead didn't notice her as she hung up with the emergency worker and stepped onto the porch, didn't seem to notice anything as she focused intently. Some part of Tara's mind noted with relief that Dawn had chosen a good night to sleep over at her friend Janice's, but the rest of her was focused on Willow.

The phone ringing in her ear snapped her back to the present as she reached Willow, checking her pulse carefully as she rolled the redhead onto her back in the grass. Willow was breathing steadily and she leaned over to check on Buffy as Xander picked up.

"Buffy? It's early…" he groaned.

"It's Tara," the witch interrupted him. "You and Anya need to go get Dawn from Janice's house."

"What happened?" he asked, sitting up and shaking Anya beside him. "What's wrong?"

"Buffy's been shot," Tara said, relieved to see the Slayer's chest rising and falling as she breathed. "The ambulance is here," she said as she heard the brakes screech. "You guys get Dawn and I'll get them to the hospital, okay?"

"We'll be there," he promised. "Is Buffy…?"

"I don't know. Willow did what she could…" Tara told him, waving the EMTs back toward the yard.

"Wait, _what? _Willow?" he demanded, voice high.

Tara shook her head, watching as the techs started working on Buffy, one of them checking Willow briefly. "She's okay," she told them. "Just fainted."

"We'll take them both," the doctors decided, lifting Buffy onto a gurney.

"Who fainted?" Xander asked, confused.

"We're going, Miss," they told her, wheeling both girls toward the truck.

Tara glanced down at herself, still dressed in pajamas, but there was no time to change and she nodded. "I'm coming," she said quickly. "Xander, I'll explain what I know when you get to the hospital." She hung up without waiting for an answer, tucking the cordless into a pocket as she climbed into the ambulance.

They continued working on Buffy as they rode, Tara sitting out of their way beside Willow's head. The redhead looked almost like she was sleeping, and Tara couldn't help reaching out to touch her hair. Her eyes stayed locked on Willow, tracing her features and drinking in her presence like she'd longed to do since the redhead's departure. She'd thought talking on the phone had been nice, but this, getting to see her, touch her, this was better than anything else.

The truck was loud, cramped, and rocking as they turned sharp corners, but Willow didn't stir, and Tara couldn't see Buffy through the crush of medical professionals who were still working to save her life, but they were moving fast and the back doors opened sooner than she could have hoped.

Buffy was wheeled straight to surgery, and Tara followed Willow's cart reluctantly. She was worried about the Slayer, knowing that Willow had only fainted from effort and shock, but they wouldn't let her into surgery, so there was nothing for it but to wait on Willow to wake up.

They put the witch on an IV and left the blonde to watch over her. Once they were alone, all the tension and stress felt overwhelming, waiting for news she might not want to hear and the knowledge that such news would immediately plummet all of their lives back into the black hole of despair they'd been living in after Buffy's death. She forced the thought to the back of her mind, trying to focus on the positive. Willow was back, had come back to save Buffy and had, at the least, kept her from bleeding out in the backyard. Once the best friends woke up everything would be fine, she told herself.

The mental reassurance couldn't make her sit down to wait, though, and she paced the little room from end to end. Willow wasn't stirring, and Tara paused on a turn to stare at the girl who'd so completely stolen her heart. Willow had gotten some sun during her time in England, making her fair skin red rather than tan, and her freckles were hidden under the flush. Her hair was longer now, past her shoulders and straight, but the same red she'd always loved.

Sighing, she resumed her pacing, gratified when a nurse came to get her much sooner than she'd expected. There was no indication on her face whether the news was good or bad, and Tara followed her into the hall. "How's Buffy?" she asked, arms curled around herself.

The nurse shook her head, but it wasn't in denial, but disbelief. "It's some kind of miracle, but she's going to be alright. The bullet was found to have just barely penetrated. The surgeons repaired what damage there was, and your friend is resting."

Tara slumped in relief, nodding as tears welled up in her eyes. "Thank you," she gasped.

The nurse gave her a narrow look, hoping for an explanation, but Tara didn't speak and she sighed. "She'll be in ICU through tomorrow, but as long as she doesn't get an infection, she can go home in a few days."

"Thank you," Tara repeated gratefully. She could see Xander and Dawn charge in over the nurse's shoulder and she caught Dawn in a hug, stroking her hair soothingly. "She's going to be okay," she said, meeting Xander's eyes over the teen's shoulder. "They just told me. The surgery got the bullet out, and they fixed the damage." Dawn squeezed her and she coughed. "Buffy will have to stay in the ICU tonight, but they said she can go home in a few days." She patted the younger girl's back when her grip didn't loosen. "I can't really breathe, Dawnie."

Dawn stepped back quickly, her face streaked with tears. "She's okay?"

"She's okay," Tara repeated reassuringly, giving her a soft smile.

"But how?" Xander asked, his arms crossed over his chest. "Tara, you said something about Will…"

Tara nodded, gesturing behind her to the door. "Willow's here. She's in there." Both of their eyes widened and she continued quickly. "She's not hurt, just fainted."

"How'd she get here?" Xander questioned as Anya joined them from parking the car.

"Did Buffy not ride in the ambulance?" the ex-demon asked, looking between each of the others. "Because that seems obvious."

"Willow," Tara clarified, quickly relating the events she'd seen as carefully as she could. "That's all I know. Has anyone called Giles?" she asked.

Xander slapped one hand to his forehead in exasperation. "No, but duh! I'll go do that now," he said, pointing back down the hall toward the bank of payphones. "Give him the good news!" He grinned happily, letting it overtake the worry that had been his expression since they'd entered. "And say thanks for whatever he did to get Will home in time."

Tara couldn't help glancing over her shoulder at the closed door, a teary smile matching Xander's grin as their eyes met. "Yes," she agreed earnestly. "Tell him thanks." Her voice was hoarse and he gave her a nod.

They trooped together to go see Buffy, but the Slayer was still unconscious, and the staff didn't want a crowd lingering, so Dawn and Anya stayed while Tara went back to Xander and Willow. The blonde found him sitting with Willow, contemplating her silently.

"Think she's home for good?" he asked, his own hurt at Willow's leaving detectable in his voice.

Tara sighed, standing by his elbow as she joined him in watching the unconscious witch. "I hope so," she said, voice soft.

He looked up at her, one hand reaching up to touch her arm. "Me too," he agreed. "Tara, you talked to her yesterday… She said she wasn't sure she was ready…" He wasn't entirely sure why he was bringing that up, though he knew how much it would hurt if the redhead bolted across the ocean again, and he struggled to keep his expectations low about her staying.

"She didn't have a choice today," Tara said seriously. "That's why she came, wasn't it?" she asked, looking down to meet his eyes.

He nodded, swallowing. "Giles said she had some kind of warning or something. The coven sent her back to Sunnydale to help."

"Well, she got her final exam," Tara commented. "Teleporting from the other side of the globe and holding it together to save your best friend from bleeding to death pretty much covers self-control if you ask me."

Xander laughed suddenly, nodding. The relief struck him again and he couldn't help laughing harder, fingers curling around her wrist as she smiled down at him. He was watching as her eyes rose back to Willow, watching the transformation of her expression as she looked at the redhead. He could feel the love on that gaze, breathe it in from the air, and he stood up, his laughter dying away.

Tara could only blink in surprise as Xander hugged her suddenly, relaxing into the embrace after a moment. "I'm going to go wait with Ahn and Dawnie," he said quietly. Tara gave him a questioning look as he stepped back, an expression she didn't recognize on his face. "I'm glad you're with her," he said, a glance toward Willow clarifying.

"O-oh," she stammered. She'd never gotten especially close to her girlfriend's male best friend, never sure what he thought of her - the woman who'd stolen Willow's devotion from him and his gender. They'd grown closer out of necessity after Buffy's death, and it struck her suddenly that Xander was genuinely grateful for her place in Willow's life. "Thank you," she finished softly.

He gave her a nod and wink before he left, and she turned to look at the redhead in the bed. She considered sitting down on the couch Xander had just vacated, but she couldn't help moving to Willow's side. There was room, and she slid into the space behind her, curling one arm up to trail her fingers up and down the redhead's side.

She basked in the closeness, the feel of Willow's slight weight against her, the smell of her hair and cadence of her breathing. Her hand didn't stop its pattern, just mindlessly touching her, thriving in the feeling of Willow's skin under her touch.

Willow woke slowly, not entirely sure where she was. She recognized whose arms held her, though, and she kept her eyes closed, sure she must be dreaming. "I know you're awake," Tara whispered from behind her, starting to withdraw her arms until Willow put hers down over the blonde's.

"Don't," she prompted softly. It took her a moment to remember everything that had happened, and she stiffened. "Buffy?"

The question was soft, but her tension was clear. "She's going to be alright," Tara assured her, smiling when Willow went limp against her. "We called Giles. He knows she's okay."

"Good," Willow said, gratified when Tara's arm tightened around her unconsciously. "I didn't expect to get to see you so soon after we talked. I'd have done something with my hair if I hadn't been in such a hurry."

Tara laughed, nestling closer to her and letting her nose nudge the redhead's neck. "You look good," she murmured earnestly.

"It doesn't change anything, does it? Me being back? I mean, we're still broken up, aren't we?" Willow asked, kicking herself mentally for bringing it up so soon, but dying for an answer.

Tara paused, a bit surprised, but just as eager for answers as Willow was. "Broken up is just semantics," she said. "You know I love you. And I know that you love me. But that doesn't fix everything."

"What will?" Willow asked tentatively.

"Well, first thing - are you staying?" Tara questioned.

The redhead considered, thinking of her time in England, the months of struggle and her ever increasing control of the magic. She'd been concerned that the Hellmouth would drive her over the edge, but the day had done nothing so much as prove that she was in command of her powers. "Yes," she said sincerely. It occurred to her that they were having this conversation without even looking at each other, and she turned over to face her. "I want to work this out with you, Tara. Whatever that takes."

Tara blinked as their eyes met, feeling the same rush of overwhelming emotion that had passed between them in the yard earlier. Willow was drinking in the sight of her, one hand reaching up to trail lightly over her face, thumb brushing over her eyes and lips. "Things fall apart," Tara started, and Willow's hand paused, fingertips sitting lightly on her neck. "They fall apart so hard…"

Willow squeezed her eyes closed, feeling her heart pounding in her chest. "Tara?"

"You can't ever put them back the way they were…"

"Are you okay?" Willow asked, hoping that she hadn't lost her chance to fix things.

Tara shifted her head against the pillow, biting her lip. "I'm sorry, it's just…" She took a deep breath. "You know, it takes time…"

"I know," Willow interjected earnestly.

"There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides. You have to learn if we are the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives…" Her eyes searched Willow's face, finding no hint of doubt. No matter how long it had been, the issues in their way, there was nothing that would keep Willow from proving herself. "It's a long and important process…" Willow nodded, perfectly willing to do anything Tara asked of her, including give her more time or space if that's what she needed.

"Can we just skip it?" Tara asked suddenly. "Can you…can you just be kissing me now?"

It took a moment before the words and their meaning sank through Willow's consciousness, the redhead's face lighting up as she moved, capturing Tara's lips the way she'd been wanting to do for months. The blonde's hands were in her hair and on her back, pulling her ever closer as they kissed passionately.

It didn't take Willow another moment before she was pressing Tara back, needing to be closer to her. Tara let her tongue wrestle with Willow's, shivering against her lover's fingers as they trailed down her sides.

Unfortunately, this reconciliation was taking place in a hospital bed and not in their bedroom at home. A nurse cleared her throat from their feet and Willow rolled off of Tara quickly, both of them blushing brightly. "Feeling better, Miss Rosenberg?" the nurse asked mildly, moving forward with the redhead's chart while Tara slid off the bed, her head ducked so her hair formed a protective barrier between herself and the smirking nurse.

"Yes, ma'am," Willow answered, trying to catch her breath. There were a few simple tests, and she was released, taking Tara's hand as soon as she was able. The blonde smiled as they touched, watching Willow pull her hand up to press a kiss to the back of it. "Sorry about that," the redhead said sweetly. "Not the kissing, of course, but the forgetting we were in public and getting us busted…"

She was cut off by another kiss, Tara's free hand sliding into the back of her hair and letting the silky strands curl through her fingers. "I was kissing you too, sweetie. Not exactly all your fault," she said against her lips. "And it was worth it," she finished, pecking her lips quickly.

Willow sighed happily, squeezing the hand she was still holding. "As much as I'd love to go somewhere and continue this, we should go check on Buffy," she said, reminding them both.

Tara nodded, letting Willow guide them into the hall. The witch was dismayingly familiar with the hospital's layout, and it only took a minute before they joined the others in the waiting room of the ICU.

Dawn noticed their joined hands and couldn't help squealing excitedly, clapping both hands over her mouth as they got glares sent in their direction. Xander just smiled, hugging Willow as Dawn grabbed Tara, the carpenter kissing the top of his friend's head.

The same nurse cleared her throat, giving the girls a look with lifted eyebrows. "She's awake," she told the group. "Asking for you all."

Willow retook Tara's hand, falling into step behind Dawn and Xander as the nurse led them to the Slayer's room. Buffy was sitting up in bed, impatiently enduring the final tests. As soon as she was free, she waved them forward. She was pale from blood loss, but it didn't seem to have affected her too much. Willow hesitated before touching her, but the Slayer leaned forward and grabbed her friend's shirt, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Thank you," she said earnestly. "I'm glad you're home."

Willow curled her arms around Buffy's shoulders, a little overwhelmed with emotion. She'd expected it with Tara, but being hugged by her best friends was powerful in its own way. "Me too," she agreed hoarsely. "I'm glad you're okay."

Buffy laughed. "Thanks to you, from what I hear."

Willow coughed as the super-strong blonde's grip cut off her air and Buffy let her go. Willow took a step back as Dawn pushed forward to take her place at Buffy's side, relaxing as Tara's fingers combed through hers. Buffy related what she knew about what had happened, Warren bursting into the backyard that morning when she had been out there alone, shooting her and then running off while she was bleeding out in the grass. She didn't remember Willow's arrival or the ambulance, the rest of the day a blank until she'd woken up in the ICU.

The friends stood around in silence as she finished her account, Xander curling his arm around Anya's shoulder while Dawn sat down at her sister's feet and fiddled with the blood pressure cuff the nurse had left behind. Willow was playing absently with Tara's fingers, rolling each digit between her fingertips. Buffy noticed after a moment, smiling slowly.

"At least I got shot for a good reason," she blurted suddenly, drawing the others' eyes and then gesturing to the blushing witches. They stared at each other for a long moment, the group finally whole again, and they couldn't help laughing, the sound echoing and filling all the empty spaces within them.


	4. Chapter 4

The day of Buffy's release from the hospital was made that much better as they received word that Warren had been caught trying to flee town. Buffy agreed to come by the police station on her way home and issue charges against him. Anya barely let them get out of the hospital's sliding doors before she brought them all back to task on her wedding. Plans had been stalled and pushed back since Willow's departure six months earlier, Xander citing his best friend's absence as a reason to wait since he wanted Willow to be present. It had been frustrating the ex-demon, but now that Willow was home, she wasn't going to be put off any further.

The rest of the Scoobies accepted her frenzied renewal of wedding planning with minimal complaining, and she had the wedding back on track in three months. Willow was standing up as Xander's best man, the others standing up with Anya, though they all had been forced into the hideous dresses the bride had chosen.

Thankfully, they didn't have to wear them to the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. The dinner was much nicer than the normal Scooby dinner, Anya insisting on the extravagance of a night out with everyone in their formalwear. Willow even surprised them during the second course with a toast to the bride and groom, her voice steady as she spoke of friendship and loyalty. And being Xander's best friend since kindergarten, she noticed when his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

He jumped when she cornered him as he was exiting the bathroom. "Will, you shouldn't sneak up on a guy like that!"

"What's wrong, Xander?" she asked bluntly. "I saw your face when I talked earlier. Is there something wrong with what I said?"

He shook his head without looking at her. "No, it was a good toast. Thank you for doing that." He gestured behind them toward the dining rooms. "Should we go sit, or did you come down here to…" He indicated the bathroom.

"I want you to tell me what I said wrong," Willow said insistently. "Talk to me," she pleaded. "You don't talk to me since I got back. Not really." He didn't say anything, and she sighed. "Xander, I talked to you when I was in England. More than I talked to anyone else, I talked to _you_. Now I'm home and you can't say more than five words at a time to me."

"You left us, Willow," he said suddenly, his eyes still avoiding hers. "You left Tara. You left Buffy and Dawn." He sucked in a shuddery breath. "And you left me. You're my best friend…"

"Xander…"

"No, you wanted me to talk, so I'm talking," he cut her off. "It hurt, Willow. It hurts that you could just pick up and leave us without looking back. And you're right! We talked when you were in England! And I know the magic isn't my thing, but I would do anything to help you. You know that! But you didn't ask! You didn't ask me, or Buffy… Hell, Will, you didn't even ask Tara! You just ran! You needed us, and you just _left_." His shiny patent shoes dragged across the smooth tiled floor. "It just hurts to hear your stand up and talk about friendship and loyalty when you couldn't ask your best friends for help."

Willow had her eyes squeezed closed when he finally looked at her, the witch holding one hand against the wall to steady herself. "Willow…"

"No," she cut him off. "You're right, Xander. I didn't ask for help when I should have. I should have trusted my friends, the people that I love more than anything, to help me. I'm weak and selfish, and I'm sorry." She met his apologetic eyes with teary greens. "You'll never know how sorry I am, Xander."

"I know you are," he agreed. "I am too. But…" She gave him a shaky nod, prompting him to continue. "I think the worst part is that you didn't want to come home. You told Tara you weren't ready, but then you're here the next day, and you're staying, but if you didn't want to be here in the first place…"

"Xander, I wanted to be here every single day since I left!" Willow cut in. "And, you're right, I came home suddenly… to save Buffy's life. And I didn't think I was ready, but now that I'm here, with Tara, and Buffy, and Dawnie, and _you_…" There was a pointed edge in her voice. "I can't leave again." She blinked and tears broke slowly down her cheeks. "I thought I wasn't strong enough to stay, but I'm not strong enough to leave either." He took a hesitant step forward and she seized the lapels of his jacket to bury her face in his chest. "I need your help, Xander," she admitted hoarsely. "I need you to keep me strong."

"Strong enough to go?" he asked reluctantly. It wasn't what he wanted, but if it was what Willow needed, then he would do it.

Her head turned from side to side against his chest, her ear pressed to his thumping heart as she stilled. "Keep me strong enough to stay. Please." She looked at him, the sincerity clear in her eyes. "Don't let me run again. You guys deserve better than having to clean up my mess again. Tara deserves to have a partner that doesn't run out on her. Xander, don't let me go again."

His arms pulled her in tighter against him, his lips pressed to her hair. "I won't," he promised. "I love you, Will."

"I love you too," she said, giggling through her unsteady tears. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry at the wedding!"

He shrugged, squeezing her gently. "This is the rehearsal dinner," he reminded her. "Cry all you want."

It took her another second to regain control of herself, dabbing her eyes with the handkerchief he provided. "Thank you," she said sincerely and it was clear on her face that she wasn't just thanking him for the tissue.

"Anytime, Will," he agreed, voice hoarse with emotion. They stayed still, giving Willow a few minutes to calm down, and she wasn't expecting him to speak again. "I wasn't sure I could do this…"

"Do what?" she asked, wiping her tears away with the back of her fingers. "Cheer me up while I cry in a hall? I'm pretty sure you were a pro at that after the first grade," she joked.

"Get married," he corrected her, flinching when her wide green eyes met his.

"Xander…this is big. The wedding is tomorrow…"

He nodded, swallowing hard. "I know."

"Anya…Xander, this will kill her," Willow said, her brow furrowing.

"I know that! I said I _wasn't _sure!"

"What, and now you are sure?" she asked, starting to pace unconsciously. "Just like that?"

"You left, Willow! You left without saying anything, you know!" She flinched back from the bluntness, but he sighed and squeezed her shoulder. "I'm not saying it to make you feel bad. I'm trying to explain." She gave him a nod, not speaking. "I've been…having doubts for a long time, Will. And maybe I'm just as bad as you were because I didn't say anything. I could have spoken up a million times now and I haven't. Because I love Anya. I love her!"

"I know you do," Willow murmured.

"I love her and she wants to get married," he continued. "And I want her, for the rest of my life. That's what I want!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"What if I can't hack it? What if I can't make her happy? I've been so afraid, for months now! But then you left…" The witch frowned, wondering how her abandoning her life in Sunnydale could have possibly helped him with his dilemma. "And…I saw what it did to Tara," he continued slowly, obviously hesitant. Willow sucked in a shaky breath as she choked down fresh tears. "It was killing her, Will. Every day chipped another little piece of her away. And I know it was doing the same thing to you," he said, hating the pain in his best friend's eyes. "Because you are part of each other. She's half of you."

"More than half," Willow whispered shakily, grateful when Xander pulled her back into his chest. "She's everything."

"I know that, Will," he assured her softly. "That's what made it so clear for me. Anya's my Tara. I need her."

"Word of advice then," Willow said hoarsely. "Don't ever leave her. I've had more chances than I deserve."

He chucked, the sound rumbling in her ear against his chest. "I'm marrying her tomorrow," he said, voice strong and steady. "I just don't know who I am without her. And I don't want to ever find out."

"I'm glad my cautionary tale could help," Willow said, sniffling as she hugged him.

"I know you guys are still working on everything, but I'm glad it has a happy ending," he said, tilting his head down to kiss her hair.

Willow squeezed him tighter, grateful for his steady support. She sniffled, laughing unsteadily. "You're going to make me cry again," she croaked.

"Don't want that," he said, rubbing her back soothingly. "Have I told you that you look pretty tonight?"

"No," she said, still working to control her tears.

"Well, you do."

"Just wait till you see what your wife has got us wearing tomorrow," she advised him. "I'm your best man! How come I couldn't be in some kind of dashing tux or something?" she demanded.

He laughed, leaning back to grin. "This is Anya's show! You know that! We already pushed it back three months! I'm not going against her again!"

"Not even married yet and you're already whipped!" she complained. "So sad…" However, at that moment she caught the sound of her own name from Tara's lips and straightened up, both hands working to fix her makeup.

"Mm-hmm," Xander murmured with a smile. "And I'm the one who's whipped," he said, shaking his head. "It's a sad state of affairs."

"Shut up," Willow said, shoving his shoulder just as Tara appeared in the hallway.

"We were looking for you two," the blonde said, looking between the pair. "Is everything okay?" she asked, able to see the evidence of Willow's crying.

"I'm going to go before Anya comes hunting for me," Xander said quickly, squeezing Willow's shoulder before he moved around her. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "Tux or no, you're the best best man a guy could ask for."

He gave Tara tight smile as he moved around her and left the two of them alone. "Sweetie, are you okay?" Tara asked again, drawn closer helplessly.

Willow nodded without speaking, swallowing back further tears. Tara slowly wiped a tear from her cheek, other hand finding Willow's, Xander's handkerchief still in her fingers. "Come here," Tara coaxed. "We'll get you cleaned up." She led them into the women's bathroom, running water and carefully wiping the redhead's cheeks. "There's my pretty lady," she whispered as she finished, pleased to get a smile in response.

"Tara…" Willow's voice was hoarse and she cleared her throat. "You know how much I love you, right? Because I thought I did, but then it just gets _bigger_. All the time. Every minute. It's…unbelievable."

The blonde nodded, smiling sweetly. "Of course I do. It's the same way for me, Willow."

"And you know how sorry I am, don't you? About everything…"

Her lover's voice was cracking, and Tara stopped her words with two gently fingers on her lips. "Of course I do. Willow, what is this about?"

"I never want to hurt you again. I could never leave you again. Once was too much! I wanted to be strong for you, but I'm not strong enough to leave you again," she confessed, knowing that she was rambling.

Tara sucked in a surprised breath. "You want to leave?" she asked, hearing her heart pounding in her head. "Because I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't let you slip through my fingers again, so if you're g-going to leave, I'm not just going to s-stay here and w-wait this time," she said, hating the stutter in her voice, but gratified that she'd said it all without stopping. "I'm n-not losing y-you again."

Willow shook her head immediately. "No! No… Tara, I couldn't leave you again." She blinked, feeling fresh tears fall. "I love you." Anything else she was going to say was cut off as Tara kissed her, fingers in her hair pulling her closer. She took the opening Tara gave her, arms slipping around the blonde's waist as she clung to her.

"I'll fight to keep you," Tara breathed into a gap for air, her back thumping against the wall as they stumbled backward and collided with the flat surface.

"That's hot," Willow gasped, surprised to realize that she was smiling into the kisses. Abruptly the mood changed, still a touch desperate, but desperate to be closer rather than desperate to keep the other from going. "We're making out in a bathroom," Willow pointed out in between kisses. "At Xander's wedding rehearsal."

"Want to go back?" Tara asked, giggling.

"Not yet," Willow said, capturing her lover's lips again. "I can't get enough of you."

"Back at you." The kisses were breathless and fast, Willow's lips moving to Tara's jaw and neck as they grew short on air. Tara held her girlfriend to her neck for a brief moment before she reluctantly pushed back on her shoulders. "Wait, hon, we can't go back to the table with hickeys," she reminded her lover breathlessly.

Willow shifted her kisses back to Tara's lips, though the pace was less frantic than before. "I love you, Tara. And I'll never run again. I swear," Willow breathed into her neck as they broke the kiss to catch their breath before they had to rejoin the table.

"I love you too," Tara whispered, combing her fingers through long red hair. "If you ever run again, I'll just go with you."

Willow lifted her head with a dazzling smile that made Tara's heart pound again. "Deal," the witch agreed. She took another short, soft kiss. "Now, as much as I want to stay in here with you, this is still a bathroom at a restaurant and I want to continue this at home, so we should get back to the party."

"Good plan," Tara agreed, cupping Willow's face in one hand and smoothing her thumb under the redhead's eyes.

Their gazes stayed locked for a moment longer, Willow finally blinking to break the spell. "I love when you look at me like that, but I _really_ can't handle it right now, here in this bathroom…" she admitted, feeling the helpless pull between herself and Tara. It was a pull that she never wanted to fight again.

"At least it's a nice bathroom," Tara mused, smiling as she felt the flush on Willow's cheeks renew itself under her hand. "But you're right," she said, letting her hand drop to the top of Willow's chest to hold her at a safe distance. "We're missing the party, and you're coming home with me tonight, so we should get out of here."

Willow nodded, sucking in air desperately. She cleaned up her face again, taking Tara's hand as they left the bathroom together. The others knew perfectly well where they'd been, and had more than a hunch what they might have been doing, but even Anya restrained herself from making a comment, distracted as she was by chattering endlessly about the wedding.

The other women weren't eager to wear the hideous dresses the ex-demon had chosen, but none of them wanted to dampen her enthusiasm the next day and they kept their mouths shut about the clothes.

However, even the matching ugly dresses couldn't stop them all from enjoying the ceremony and reception. They'd done their jobs, gotten the couple married off, and were enjoying the free food and drinks. Willow was chatting with Buffy at their table, Dawn having dragged Tara off to dance. Though the Slayer couldn't help laughing at her friend's obvious distraction, the witch constantly sneaking glances over Buffy's shoulder to watch Tara. "Are they dancing sexy or something?" she asked, taking a sip of her wine. "Should I be watching them too, or is it something I don't want to see?"

Willow blushed, rolling her eyes as she shifted her gaze from her girlfriend to her best friend. "Ha ha," she said flatly. "You're hilarious."

"Thank you," Buffy responded happily, grinning. "You were being all distracted by your girlfriend, and we were talking."

"Okay, fine," Willow agreed, faking longsuffering and giving the Slayer exaggerated attention. "What were we talking about?"

Buffy shrugged, still grinning. "I dunno." She laughed when Willow sent her an exasperated look. "If you want to dance with her you should just go dance with her. Dawnie won't care. She'll probably make that high pitched little squealing noise she makes whenever she sees the two of you together."

"Xander's family wouldn't really appreciate that audio _or_ the visual," Willow pointed out, taking a sip of her own drink.

Buffy glanced over her shoulder at the milling crowds, the drinks successful in convincing the two halves of the wedding guests to mingle, only a few minor scuffles that had decreased as the night went on and everyone grew looser from the alcohol. "They don't seem to mind Tara and Dawn dancing together." She smirked at the witch. "Of course, you and Tara together isn't _exactly_ like Tara and my sister dancing together."

Willow shot a look at her, eyes narrowed. "I would think not," she agreed mildly, watching the girls laughing as they danced to the music. The upbeat music faded and a slow song started.

"I think that's your cue," Buffy prompted, giving Willow a smile as she reached over and took the glass from the witch's hands. "Go get her," she said, nodding toward the dance floor as the redhead just stared at her.

Willow stood up and cut across the crowded room, surprising Tara with her proximity when the blonde turned around. "Hey. I was just coming to find you," Tara said, giving her a happy smile.

"Not that hard to do in these neon dresses," Dawn said, laughing as she skipped off into the crowd.

Tara gave their young friend a confused glance, attention drawn back to Willow as the redhead held up one hand. "Dance with me?" Willow requested sweetly.

"Of course," Tara answered, taking her hand and letting Willow lead them back onto the floor.

The steps were slow and Tara curled both arms around the redhead's shoulders. "You're beautiful," Willow murmured. "Even in these horrible dresses."

Tara laughed, fingers trailing through Willow's hair. "Well, thank you, sweetie. You're looking pretty good yourself."

Willow looked down at herself and laughed. "You really must love me," she said teasingly. "Cause you're not a liar, but this dress might be the most unflattering thing anyone has ever worn…"

"I guess I really love you, then," Tara agreed, kissing her softly. "How are you feeling?" she asked as they separated, Willow leading them through a turn.

"Feeling? I'm fine. Is there some reason I shouldn't be?" Willow asked, blinking at her in surprise. It had been a long three months, rebuilding their relationship from the ground up, but they were more solid now than they'd ever been, even after the night before and the small misunderstanding.

Tara shook her head, smile crooked and soft. "No, Willow. One of your best friends just got married. I'm just wondering how you're doing."

Willow smiled, twirling Tara suddenly, both of them laughing as they continued dancing. Xander and Anya were on the floor with them as well, the former demon having been convinced not to abandon the party entirely, though they had snuck out several times throughout the evening. "I'm happy for them," Willow said genuinely. "A little bit jealous too, I guess. If I'm being honest."

Tara shook her head as they turned. "Jealous of what?" She wasn't concerned about Willow's loyalty, but curious about her lover's meaning.

"He got to marry the girl he loves," Willow answered. "I want to too."

Tara blinked blue eyes, the smile growing on her face as her heart picked up its pace. "Well, have you asked her to marry you?" she asked, gratified when her voice didn't tremble. "Maybe she wants to too."

Willow gave her an intrigued look. "You think she might?" She spun Tara out again, sighing as the blonde returned to her and let their bodies press together, filling the space they'd kept between them previously with softness and warmth.

"I definitely think she might," Tara answered, breathing the words straight into her ear as Willow's arms curled around her waist to hold her close. Formal dance steps stopped and they were just swaying.

"Really? Well, what do you say?" Willow asked.

Tara laughed, shaking her head. "No, no way…" she denied with a wide smile on her lips. "That was not a proposal, Willow Rosenberg!"

The redhead grinned, giggling. "What do you want me to do then, sweetness? Want me to get down on one knee right now? Because I will… You just have to promise that you won't say no because I'm wearing this awful, awful dress!"

"No," Tara said, still laughing. "You don't have to do anything fancy."

"But better than 'what do you say?'" she guessed with a toothy grin.

"Yes, please," Tara murmured, her fingers trailing up and down the back of Willow's neck.

The redhead's grin became a tender smile. "I can definitely do that," she promised. "I already have a ring, you know…"

"How would I know that?" Tara asked with a laugh, shaking her head as she leaned forward to rest her head on Willow's shoulder, still touching her absently as they swayed.

Willow shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you found it or something… It's been in there for a long time."

It took her a moment, but Tara lifted her head in surprise. "Wait a second… It's been _where _for a long time? And how long, exactly?"

Willow realized her misspeak, eyes wide. "Um…never mind?" she tried hopefully. "Forget I said that, please?"

"Did you buy me a ring a long time ago? But not more than nine months ago, right?" Tara asked in disbelief. Willow didn't answer vocally, but her answer was clear on her face. "And is it hidden in our bedroom? Where I lived for six months and never found it? Where on earth could you have hidden it?"

Willow shook her head. "I'll never hide anything from you again, but I'd rather not answer those questions," she requested.

Tara arched an eyebrow at her, lips pursed. "One answer?"

The redhead hesitated, nodding finally. "Okay," she agreed. "What would you like to know, my love?"

"How long have you had a ring?" Tara asked.

Willow swallowed, expecting that question, but not particularly wanting to answer it. "A little over a year," she mumbled, her face falling to look down.

"What?" Tara asked, surprised. Her hand rose to push Willow's head back up gently. "Sweetie, really?"

Willow nodded, feeling embarrassed. "Who knows? Maybe if I hadn't had to leave, we could have beat Xander and Anya down the aisle…"

"You've wanted to get married for that long?" Tara questioned, neither one noticing that they were no longer moving.

Willow coughed on her dry throat, blinking. "Well, we haven't even covered if you want to… I'm not really interested in marrying anyone else, just you."

Tara considered her without speaking. Of course she wanted to marry Willow, but she didn't want to pressure the redhead in any way. "It's the same for me," she said softly. "But only when you're ready." She smiled soothingly as Willow met her eyes. "You've had the ring for a year already, right?" Willow nodded sheepishly and Tara leaned in slowly. "Then take your time. Another year, another few years even, won't matter in the long run. We've got our whole lives together."

Willow started to close the gap, whispering against her lips. "Tara, marry me." She kissed her before the blonde could answer, the kiss slow and soft while Tara's hands rose to curl into red hair.

Dawn elbowed Buffy as the Slayer was drinking, causing her sister to send her a look. And then she noticed the witches kissing on the dance floor, and she couldn't help smiling.

"We're leaving to have sex now," Anya announced as she and Xander joined their little group.

"Don't you mean 'again?'" Dawn asked, smirking at the carpenter.

Xander blushed, shoving the teen's shoulder lightly. "Looks like we're not the only ones, either," he pointed out, indicating the still kissing pair.

"It's nice," Buffy declared, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched the proceedings. The party was winding down, but their group was still in the midst of the chaos of drunk family members trying to find the door. "Everyone is where they're supposed to be."

There was no disagreement from anyone. They'd all had to deal with what felt like more than their fair share in the last year. But they were all here, at Xander's wedding, together and, if not whole, working diligently on it. Xander was married, Buffy and Dawn were growing more accustomed to their lives together without Joyce, and Willow and Tara were whole and happy.

They didn't know what was coming next, but at this moment, life was perfect.


End file.
